TOPIC: Ex is wasting money I've paid for swimming lessons

So, I pay for my daughter's swimming lessons. She has missed the last 4 lessons. She was unwell for three of them, and then yesterday her mum had her instead of me and didn't take her. She told my daughter that I can just take her next week instead. The three that were missed due to illness will be made up with replacement lessons, however the one she missed yesterday won't be, so that money is lost and of course my daughter missed out again.

I knew my ex wouldn't take her and gave the instructor a heads up that she probably wouldn't. If there's a chance to annoy me or waste my money then my ex will take it and she gets a kick out of stuff like that. I normally take but as I had our daughter on her birthday today, my ex had her yesterday (which I would normally have).

I'm wondering if anyone has been in the same position and what you did? Or if anyone has suggestions. My first thought is to call CMS and see if I can claim the money back by not paying maintenance for a week or something (I doubtful this will be an option though tbh). The thing with my ex, as is the thing with a lot of our ex partner's here, if they get away with something once, they will keep doing it, so I'm likely to lose money again down the line, but ultimately our daughter misses out. Is there a way I can get this under control?

Hello semifinalist,

My Son has experienced the same but not with swimming. He spoke to the tutor regarding the activity and arrangements were made for my Grandchild to attend when it was my Sons' weekend for contact. The child was assured attendance that weekend but missed the alternate week, disappointment was avoided as there wasn't anything asked of the Mother, control was taken away from her. It is not good when this happens but when the father takes control, in this instance, at least the child can have a regular lesson but sadly not as frequently as it should be, however, by doing this the interest in the activity can be maintained which I believe is important. The Mother has no say in what a father can do in his time if there is a Court Order.

I am pretty sure the C.M.S. will not be interested in making a reduction in maintenance.

I personally am very interested in swimming, may I ask how old your child is?

Thanks MotherofaFather. Maybe I will talk to the lady who runs it and say that this might happen again (although hopefully not too frequently as I have our daughter on her swimming lesson day by court order - contact just changes a bit around her birthday), and see if an arrangement can be made in which our daughter doesn't miss out. However, I sort of did try this, although not quite as explicitly when I gave her a heads up that my ex might not show up for the lesson, and she said if it was illness like the last few times she could refund or replace the lesson, but because it's domestic she can't do anything.

I definitely agree with taking away the power. It's the only way. That's why I mentioned CMS, as I thought if I could get the money back in some way that would be taking the power away from my ex - as she gets off on me losing money in one way or another. Of course, I would just put that money in my daughter's savings account I have for her instead. I wouldn't be taking the money away from my daughter.

She is 7. She's been swimming for a while but due to starting lessons later than a lot of her peers, and an ex who isn't interested in swimming lessons, making regular lessons impossible for a while, she's a little further behind. But she's gradually catching up since getting the court order fixed and being able to have regular lessons. I'd definitely recommend it for any child, it's a great life skill to have, and it's really built up her confidence. Plus she looks forward to it every week - she's been really upset about missing lessons lately.

Hello semifinalist87,

The fact you have a Court Order will enable you to take her and control the situation without any involvement of the Mother. See if you can come to some financial arrangement with the instructor if her timetable for lessons differs from your contact days.

I asked your Daughters' age as it is a sport I love which dominated my life when I was younger. I use to be a competitive swimmer and have taught hundreds to swim. I have started to reminisce now thinking of it. In fact my first marriage proposal was whilst standing on the side of the swimming pool, this young man said to me, quote, "do you know what I'm going to do when I'm older Miss X ? "No" I replied. He said, quote, "marry you." He was 5 years old at the time.

I hope you have a liking for the water as playing in the pool with your daughter and having fun is a great confidence builder and an essential requirement for learning to swim.
Have fun!

Hi yes my ex is much the same , lies about needing money for things for the kids and just spends it on her . What I do is tell her to pay for whatever it is and then show me the reciept , tickets etc etc for for the activities and I’ll reimburse her .

hi,

my ex got her way in court with regards to mid-week contact. so she got me taking them swimming. now martial arts. i was expecting her to be a jerk and make me pay for these things when i am with kids. guess shes using my CMS money. will seek more time and nights with kids when i go back to court for variation.