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TOPIC: Indirect contact and Christmas

Indirect contact and Christmas 1 year 1 month ago #102932

Hi all

Christmas is fast approaching and I’m a little stuck on what to do in regards to indirect contact.

I have three sons, after three years of battling I ended up with indirect contact via the means of sending cards,gifts , letters etc twice a year

My eldest is almost 13, and the other two have learning difficulties (autism) and are non verbal.

My eldest stated he doesn’t want contact, although I believe he was guided by his mother and I’m confident this will change when he’s a bit older. Throughout the court process there were two occasion where he contacted me, and I’ve always thought his mum was behind part of it

I just don’t know what to do about Christmas etc- I have an order to be able to send cards etc. This year in June I send three birthday cards, with amazon gift vouchers.
I was thinking about doing the same this year- but it’s difficult when you have no contact, with the mother etc. I will have to rely on her to use the vouchers for the younger two and buy something- and if my son is against me then it could end up in the bin?

As buying gifts - it’s so difficult as I just don’t know where to start, especially for the younger two?

I just feel that I’m torn either way - would it be better to just stick to sending cards/letters and maybe a couple of photos and put some money aside for them?

Any advice would be great :-)

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Indirect contact and Christmas 1 year 1 month ago #102956

  • Toks
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Sounds like a very difficult and emotional situation for you. I do remember reading some advice on another forum in relation to a similar situation to your own: the advice was to keep hold of the cards and gifts in the hope that you would be able to give them to your kids directly one day. Not knowing if either of these are currently reaching your kids or being binned by your ex, or almost as bad - being expropriated by your ex and being passed off to your kids as actually being gifts from her, is frustrating - as the normal reaction to getting a gift is 'thank you', and you're not getting any response at all.
I think you're right to stick to just to sending cards/letters with photos and keep the money aside for them.
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Last Edit: by Toks. Reason: punctuation

Indirect contact and Christmas 1 year 1 month ago #102957

Thank you, that sounds like the best thing to do

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Indirect contact and Christmas 1 year 1 month ago #102967

  • Devo
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Hi Jonathan. Why are you only allowed to send cards 3 times a year? Are you allowed to see your sons at all? Reason I ask is I'm going through the Courts to see my children, and with the lies my wife has said I'm worried thats all I will get. Its horrendous all this, we have to do to see our children....

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