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TOPIC: had about as much as i can take

had about as much as i can take 10 months 6 days ago #103082

  • a1dad2be
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has anybody walked away,, due to all the stress upset,, if yes , how you cope with it.,?

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had about as much as i can take 10 months 5 days ago #103091

  • Toks
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Hello, sounds familiar, but thankfully a thing of the past.

I did (briefly) think about walking away when my son was a few months old because of the stress, but the thought of that reality while giving me some fleeting relief as having that as an option, actually made me feel even worse, as I felt I was letting him down. At the time I suffered from nausea, panic attacks and prolonged sleep deprivation at the thought of having to deal with the unrelenting hostility and anger of my son's mother, made infinitely worse because - at the time - I was only able to have contact with him under her roof. My pleasure of seeing my son became mixed with the dread of having to deal with his mum. Eventually the terror of having to be under her roof became stronger than the pleasure of seeing my son, and I look at the realisation of this as being one of the lowest points in my life, as it was the point when the thought of just walking away lit up like a neon light.

I spoke with my best friend - who was working out in Asia at the time - and he insisted I fly out and visit him. I went for 3 weeks. I slept for most of this, and was able to start thinking a lot more clearly again. I felt calmer by the time I returned. The hostility of the mother remained unchanged, but I was now able to hold on to the fact that I had to remain patient and stay in my son's life in order to build a good relationship with him - that was the long game . Within a few months I was able to pick him up and take him to my home on the days I had him, which did a lot for my mental health. While my son and I developed a strong relationship, the situation with his mum remained unchanged, she continued being authoritarian and dismissive of my views and wishes, so we ended up in court by the time our son turned 4, and the resulting order was worth every penny. She remains hostile, but this is fairly irrelevant, particularly now that I pick him up from / drop him off at school means I can go months without having any direct contact with her.

My son is now 9, and we have a good relationship. That's the important thing. I don't know the ins and outs of your situation, I can only share my experience. I think it's worth sticking in there and keeping the relationship with your child going, even through all the obstacles placed in the way of this. Kids make their own minds up the older they get and the longer they've remained close to you as you're building upon an existing, continuing relationship, rather than trying to start again from scratch when they're older. Just my opinion.
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had about as much as i can take 10 months 5 days ago #103092

  • Devo
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Hi a1dad2be. It is hard. It is horrendously stressful. I know because I'm going through it right now. I've got 4 children with my wife. I won't bore you with all the details, but I'm fighting through the Courts to see my children. The allegations are nasty and vindictive, yeah it's upsetting and horrible. But if you have children, all I can say is fight on, don't give up. Our children need us, more than they know. Go easy on yourself, but keep going. My situation is horrendous, and the allegations against me have been NFAd by the police only a week ago. Good news. However I've still got a 3 day fact finding hearing end of January to get through, which will be horrible, but I'll do it, for my children. You haven't said what your situation is... But if it's anything like mine, fight it, and keep going... Don't give up!

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had about as much as i can take 10 months 3 days ago #103114

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thanku toks very much

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had about as much as i can take 10 months 3 days ago #103115

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devo ive had it all mate police alligations, courts 2 years, dna test you name it ive been am there,, if i can help giz a shout, thanku,

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had about as much as i can take 10 months 3 days ago #103127

thanks Toks for the advice. It can be awful especially if people around you don't understand your situation, haven't experienced a loss like you have, and start giving lame advice. like if ex is making it too difficult to see your kids and it's going to cost you, then don't bother. walk away. that could be the worst thing to do.

being away from my kids is the most painful part. so only thing you can do is fight for your rights. fight for the rights of the child to have a meaningful relationship with his dad.
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had about as much as i can take 9 months 3 weeks ago #103218

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Thanks Toks - that's excellent advice to step away and get yourself together, and I'm glad it worked out well for you. If anyone is in this position, it's certainly worth getting counselling, as have someone objectively giving advice and advising you how to deal with stressful situations.
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