Very worried Dad. This morning I received a bundle from the family court. My ex has applied for a Child Arrangements Order and also has added a C1a for Allegations of Harm and Domestic Violence.
The courts in 2019 game me residency by status quo with time spent with her mum alternate weekends and half holidays, and now our daughters mum (or the new beau) has decided they don't like this arrangement. Mum did not allege any domestic violence in our relationship at anytime in the last 3 years. I have never laid a finger on my ex, nor any woman I have been with.
Children's Services are involved and place our daughter on a Child Protection Plan, for Emotional Abuse against me! which is absolutely ridiculous. The end of the initial child protection conference, mum filed the papers with the court.
2017 our daughter wrote that her mums boyfriend "bad touched" her, she was 5 at the time. A crime Reference number was raised and the police did there thing, but our daughter didn't say anything. Case closed due to lack of evidence 2018 Daughter had a safety plan which told mums boyfriend stay away on mums contact which at that time was 3 hours on a Wednesday.
April 2018 Stage 1 complaint upheld in my favour admitted failings, biased towards the mum. Also me having primary care of daughter was rare in our county. Also Service managers agreed that mum is being groomed and is vulnerable, but couldn't do anything as she is an adult.
August 2018 till February 2019 Court proceedings, Safety plan in place. Daughter didn't say anything to Cafcass. Report was biased towards Mum, no wishes or interest of daughter mentioned. Daughter has stated that she told her mum, but she laughed at her.
March 2019 daughter started to talk to myself and partner about the incident in 2017. Police informed, again daughter wouldn't tell them anything. He was asked to attend a police station of questioning. No Further Action.
Mid January 2020 Social Worker came to house very abrupt and mentioned about emotional abuse and blaming me. Started mention about her private life to my daughter. Visited daughter in school and told her she had to be friends with mums boyfriend.
End of January 2020, daughter comes back from contact and states that mums boyfriend pinch the outside of thigh, police informed new crime reference number allocated still investigating. She told her mum but she told her she was 2being silly and he wouldn't do it!! How would she know if she wasn't there!!!
Childrens services have not replied to the Stage 1 complaint (10 days have passed)
I know the boyfriend is banned from seeing his own children since around 2000 by their mother. Also current wife said that he lied throughout their 5 years about being ill etc etc . He finally coughed up then she booted him out.
so all the silly incidents happen when your child stays over at mums right?
have children service explained to you how you are involved in emotional abuse?
if you think their mums boyfriend is big problem, there is question in the court application, where they ask if you oppose the application? and you can also apply for a prohibited steps order, so your ex's partner can not go near your daughter. this can probably only be achieved if you tell court you don't want your child to visit and stay at mums. there would have to be good reasons for this.
you can make a good case as you mentioned the guy is not even allowed to see his own children.
All incidents are happening on daughter's stay overs with mum and partner. 1 incident at the home, 2 whilst on day trips.
Childrens Services believe that I am keeping the incidents alive in my daughters head. They also stated that they are worried that I continue to view any physical contact between my daughter and her mums partner as sexual!! Worried about the conflict between myself and her mum, as we are unable to talk to each other. Given the high level of worries and concerns for the child within the conference, the chair and the professionals have recommended that my daughter is placed on a child protection plan.
I went for a Prohibited Steps Order back in January and it was thrown out....District Judge believes I have a fixation regarding the boyfriend, Also Childrens Services and Cafcass had written to the courts saying the same and also mentioned going down the Child Protection route, and the courts and authority would support mums application to get daughter back... I didn't even speak in this 20 min dressing down.
Children's Services have already made their minds up so all meetings etc have been predetermined.
Funny thing is that Housing and maybe Childrens services have got mum a bigger property all sorted,
Childrens services know he is banned from seeing his own children, but wont do any investigations, his employment with vulnerable adults is in tatters as he is currently suspended, but is telling people he is on the sick and takes in sick notes to cover his tracks.
Mum has already got an older child with a social worker, for reasons I don't know,
What winds me up is that Children's Services back in 2017 filed a report to the police under Sexual assault of a minor under 13 years, yet accuse me!!! The incident I reported in Feb 2020 was an assault on a minor, they, the police recorded as Sexual Assault of a minor under 13 years!!! not me!! Yet Children's services are accusing me of this!!
I have read all this. now you got social services involved this is going to cause big problems. child under a child protection plan isn't good at all.
So for a family court to change a ruling ie you having full custody there needs to be very good strong reasons to be able to do this.
So the way you are going a case is been built up rightly or wrongly to change residency by your ex by having social services involved
who now have serious concerns about both parents.
So now you are in an akward situation as you said yourself social services starting to appear biased towards you and other authorities. social services are well known for sometimes taking the easy way out due to lack of resources at times by ie backing the rest of the professional bodies you mentioned.
A district judge also pulling you up isn't good so like it or not a new line of approach is needed despite your concerns as they aren't listening anyway.
If you carry on it could go badly wrong for you.
How to stop it :like it or not the best way forward is to stop raising concerns about the boyfriend and now work together with all authorities , it sounds like as you have residency they are wanting you to promote contact with mum of your child which I guess includes boyfriend been involved and not to speak about either of them in a negative way and bad mouth them. By doing this and encouraging a relationship with childs mum you will quickly tick the boxes on the child protection plan, when things run smoothly they will then downgrade to CIN plan and eventually make an exit.
If you go to family court just to prewarn you cafcass will be at 1st hearing and will then remove themselves as social services are involved now and childs social worker who you would of met would be doing a s7 report recommending to district judge more than likely what is going to happen.
If you co operate fully with social services and do everything asked of you on plan residency will remain with yourself , if it goes other way and you don't you may lose residency.
Also never raise your voice and lose your temper with social services . Just be calm and make sure u keep residency. Great school reports and daughter/son doing well will all bode well for you. And by the way I cant stand social services at all especially when they appear biased , only way to stop them is to work with them and do what is asked which normally leads to them been at least reasonable
I only raise concerns when my daughter says something has happened. She was on CiN for a day then the next thing was CPC
Social Services are biased towards the mum and have been since 2017.
The mum has applied to family court before any work on the plan has even started...I have already ticked off the parts that I need to do.
I told the District Judge that I will indeed carry out what he said, and have done so.
I have never spoken negatively about either of them, that's what they are not getting. This social worker is hell bent on causing conflict for the sake of it. She rings nearly every other day to visit and when I say no, cos I am working she doesn't like it.
I have two meetings this week, tomorrow stage 1 complaint, then Wednesday Core group meeting at daughters school
the Wednesday core meeting should be a little bit more friendlier than the child protection conference meeting. There will be people you get on fine with like teachers etc , but the main thing is to engage and get off the plan. I don't blame you for not seeing social worker every day, if you are working you are working, they don't need to see you every day, I am pretty sure once a week is more than enough and if they are that bothered they can visit your child at school whilst you are at work. don't let them wind u up though , things will get better soon , I think its 3 months or so before next conference meeting and core meetings are every 6 weeks approx. the best thing to do is whatever they write about you that's complete rubbish is to not react to it . if u have an opinion which u are allowed is to get it across in a polite unconfrontational way. I remember they tried telling me what to do and then she stared at me to get a reaction ...I said I have listened to what you have said but haven't anything to say thank you. another one was offering me a course which I didn't need which she disguised as something else,,,i was like no thank you but thanks for telling me what its about. I can assure u I wanted to say something else especially when you read a whole bundle of notes stating things that aren't even factual. they tend to be lazy and copy things from previous incidents that haven't ocurred or even quotes from your ex partner. after all end of the day these people don't even know you do they ?
you have custody and your court order is a powerful weapon so don't let them find strong reasons to take it away. No district judge will reverse custody if u are fully engaging with social services and addressing what they are concerned about. and yes I know somethings on there you probably haven't even done in 1st place
HI Warwickshire, Sorry for the delay in answering you back.
The core group was as you said friendlier, school, health, housing, 2 social workers, mum and her partner and myself.
Mum and her partner looked like that they didn't want to be there. Also the way mum was sitting, and looking down at the table or floor, didn't seem right at all!! Boyfriend sat there looking down as well. (is there something going on behind closed doors?)
Health there are no issues, housing no issues, school no issues. I have stated that I have already seeked professional help for CBT and counselling and this will be finalised in April. I have also agreed to see a psychologist that is being setup by Children's Services, to help me and to also help Children's Services on the best way to talk to me and to questions to ask, for me to understand. I have also told them that I have Dyslexia and Dysgraphia.
Mum kind of distanced herself away from engaging totally, especially where family therapy and get the parents together in a room and looking at things going forward. Last time I said not right now, however, this time I said yes please, lets get this ball rolling. But to my surprise, mum is now reluctant, as she says "there are under lying issues"
Children's services are obviously sceptical that things will fall backwards, and I said I agree, but things are being put in place for me to access.
I also understand that attacking me is because I am the resident parent!! bit bizarre.
It looks like Children's Services want to get our daughter off the plan as quickly as she can, but it looks like mum is digging her heels in. Could this be because she has filed for a Child Arrangements Order for residency, etc and is now playing a game??
You want childrens services exiting quickly as then that would mean they have no concerns. then when you are at court the judge will not change residency as a decision has already been made. there needs to be very strong reasons and the fact mum isn't really engaging works in your favour. work with social services and do what they ask within reason and you will be fine
The house move is work related and I am only going 30 mins down the road, work is another 45 mins further on.
I didn't even know that daughters mum was moving until two weeks ago in the Initial Child Protection Conference, they let it slip.
Photos, they are saying that daughter took them so I could get mum in to trouble.
Saturday, just gone. I received the minutes from the ICPC, nothing to write home about, however one of the things I need to get clarification on is -
What's working well/strengths...……
Contact agreement is in place by the courts. Safety plan in place for (daughter) when at her mums.
That plan is according to the independent Chairperson (safeguarding board I think) a working document! Strange that its not being used and hasn't since Feb 2019!! The plan states that mum and daughter to have contact on a Wednesday evening after school for tea. Mums partner not to be present.