• Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: Enforcement/Variation/Both?

Enforcement/Variation/Both? 3 weeks 1 day ago #108512

Hi,

Have a court order for contact where one of the key points is pick up/drop off from pre school - this is due to the fact handovers prior to court had been very difficult.

Since lockdown we've had to revert to handovers with me picking up from mum and this has been getting progressively worse and more traumatic for the girls each time with the last couple of times they've refused to come as they want to stay with mummy, There have never been any issues when I've picked up from pre school.

I suggested as this has been going on for a few months and getting more traumatic we need to make alternative arrangements, either contact centre or somewhere like a park where mum can leave the girls to play with me.

Yesterday we attempted the park but when the girls were happily playing with me, mum (who was also there with her own mum and her eldest daughter) didn't leave when the girls were playing with me. The girls ended up going back to mum and refused to leave her. I am just contacting contact centres to see what's available locally to try and get this moving

There's been a few breaches of the order but not sure what to do about enforcement or variation of the order. There's been the last couple of times they've not come and the previous few months I've been waiting up to half an hour - during which time mum is saying things like "I wish you could stay with me", "be brave, its only 3 nights" and much more. Also mum's mum accused me of making the girls upset as Im coming to take them away.

Also court ordered contact for the summer holidays is alternate blocks of 1 week. However mum has told the girls and me we are only doing 5 nights. Although I have agreed to other requests of her I am not agreeing to this for various reasons

Anyway the point here is the court order needs varying anyway for a number of reasons for the benefit of the girls and for the benefit of us (ie setting clear dates for holidays so we dont have to try and and agree) amongst other things. I suggested to mum we work together to make some changes but mum not interested so will need to go through mediation.

What is the best thing to do in this situation?

Ultimately if we can get the contact centre sorted and make some changes to the current that will eliminate some of the problems but at the same time the order has been breached several times and it has been indicated it will be breached again during the holidays.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Enforcement/Variation/Both? 3 weeks 1 day ago #108513

And a follow up question - how do we even agree on a contact centre? I've found the most local one available to us which meets our needs but mum has now also been in touch with one that is further away

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Enforcement/Variation/Both? 3 weeks 1 day ago #108517

hi,

how old are your kids and how long has this arrangement been going on for? what if you were to do handovers on local high st? if they are very attached to mum then i think any handover location will be difficult. as with court order being breached, the next time a breach happens, you should apply for enforcement.
The following user(s) said Thank You: realfruit

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Enforcement/Variation/Both? 3 weeks 21 hours ago #108536

how much further away is the contact centre and can you just call your exs bluff and agree to use it if it resolves some of the issue?

Bear in mind some contact centres charge for facilitating handovers, not much.

Plus if you agree and then ex changes mind, stops contact or messes about then you have evidence of your willingness, flexibility and of ex messing you around.
The following user(s) said Thank You: realfruit

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Enforcement/Variation/Both? 2 weeks 3 days ago #108620

Sorry, just seen your reply. They will be 5 in September. Court order in place since Jan 2019.

I got an urgent contact centre referral and picked girls up Thursday.

Mum now insisting on phone calls (which is a separate issue and causes girls upset) and changing days to Wednesdays during holidays which we'll suck up.

However she's asked we drop them back to her house rather than contact centre. Dropping back to her is usually fine however I feel it should be consistent and drop off/pick up should be the same both ways. I feel dropping back to her but continuing picks ups from contact centre enforces it's an issue coming to me

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Enforcement/Variation/Both? 2 weeks 3 days ago #108622

Contact centre is extra 20 minute drive. It's £20 a pick up bit I've said I'll pay for it all, it's worth it and worked perfectly the other day.

Obviously will cost a bit during holidays but when term starts we go back to pick up/drop off from school. Also see my other reply with mum wanting to do drop offs to hers. Thank you

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Enforcement/Variation/Both? 2 weeks 3 days ago #108627

Hi

Id agree with you to cover costs and the extra 20 mins is hopefully manageable.

In relation to drop offs pick ups I too would aim to keep it consistent otherwise as you say the message will be skewed to the negative. After all it was her suggestion.

Why has she suggested drop off to hers? Is it possible for her to collect?Will it prevent contact if you dig your heels in re consistency?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Page:
  • 1