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TOPIC: Hello

Hello 4 weeks 1 day ago #112079

Hello all

I found this forum through seeking advise on my situation. My wife of 12 years and I split up end of October, we have 3 kids 11,10 and 7. Very long story short I was left with kids at mother in laws house and wife moved in with her Dad (her mum and dad separated a long time ago), leaving me as the primary carer. We separated due to her having one too many affairs and her narcissistic tendencies. She is also a drug addict, smokes weed a lot, which a lot of people say isn’t that harmful, however it was a £1200/month habit, and all hell would break loose if she ran out. I’m unsure where she is with it now as I have no contact with her or knowledge other than the kids confirming she smokes when they are round hers (not that it happens very often!)

Currently, I’m entirely out of control with when my wife sees the kids, she turns up unannounced to me, usually arranged with her mum for the times I’m at work - which I agreed with the mother in law if it became too difficult
I would give up work and be a full time dad. Usual excuse is her mum needs help with schooling the children, which the mother in law denies and says it’s usually the ex coming round to feel like she is helping but doesn’t really do a lot when she is here other than get some attention.

2 kids show no interest in seeing her, the littlest is 50/50 most of the time, however it doesn’t stop the ex turning up to see her mum and then try spend time around them. Sometimes I’m not even aware she’s been here until the kids tell me, like they have been asked to keep it quiet.

In the past 3 months she’s had the little one over twice. First time was dinner which then turned into an overnight stay, which she didn’t ask for, she just told us. The mother in law went round at 11 the following morning and collected the kid, she had been given some toast around 8:30 and left on her own whilst ex went back to sleep. Ex pretended she was awake when mother in law arrived. Blamed lack of contact on bad signal, which seems to happen at very convenient times. Last time she was instructed to be sober from the time she picked them up to the time she was safely back at home, left the kid watching a film and smoked weed out the bedroom window, my daughter recognises the smell and told me about it, she did get back on time but ex was DUI to return her........

Feel I need to get my own place and get some orders in place but no idea where to start.

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Last Edit: by Welderman1. Reason: Add details

Hello 4 weeks 1 day ago #112084

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Hi and welcome.

OK, I think you've answered your own question really - the first thing you need to do is to get your own place, and fast, to get control back of your own life, and more importantly, to give your children some stability so they know they are safe. I would contact children's services and speak to them about the whole arrangement and also to your local council to see about arranging accomodation. As soon as that is sorted, then I would say you need to look at getting the legal side sorted out, you need to get the divorce underway and to sort out the children's living arrangements, which hopefully, since you will have a safe place for them to live, will be with you.

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I am not qualified and any information given should be checked with a professional.

Whatever your situation Zoom counselling with qualified counsellors can help. You might like to be in touch for your secondary school aged children, or it could be you need support for yourself. To find out about costs or whether you qualify for funding (for example if you are on a low income or benefits) leave your details on this link and we will be in touch:

www.dad.info/online-zoom-counselling
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