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"in the best interests of the child" the biggest.. 3 years 11 months ago #65069

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....double standard in family law.

Ok, Im ranting, Im not in the best mood. I work in childrens services and Ive seen things daily that Ive never fully appreciated until now.

It gets right on my nerves how the best interests of the child are used so frequently to advise "parents" on the best outcomes for their children. Yes Ive done what I shouldnt have done and looked elsewhere.

How can I stop my ex seeing my children? You have all the control unless court ordered.

My ex is stopping me seeing the kids? YOURE THE MOTHER!

My ex wants overnight stays but I dont think I can part with my children it'll be too distressing? what a bastard, does it even matter that you go out on the lash once a fortnight and the child goes to grannys and is bottle fed, thats nothing to do with him.

My ex wont let me see the girls? Man up and go to court, what do you mean it 'upsets' you? you need to get over yourself this woman carried that child. Dont you know anything about attachment.

How can I stop my ex's gf seeing my child? He cheated on you, the bastard. Id stop contact until he agrees.
Ok so I cheated on my husband and now he's left me can he really make me sell my house? What a bastard its nothing to do with him who you have in your home.

Can I go away without permission? - yeah course noone will stop you.

My ex is saying hes taking kids on holiday - ring border agencies asap and withold passport.

My ex wants to see the kids and says hes paying for his children he has a right to see them? Contact and CMS are not the same thing tell him to take you to court.

My ex wants to see the kids and he hasnt paid a penny? Contact the CMS what kind of father doesnt pay for his children, I wouldnt have him until you get your money.

My ex wants to know where Im moving to do I have to tell him (no DV)? no its nothing to do with him even if does sees kids

I want to know where me ex lives? Its your right as a mother to know where your child is going to be, if I were you Id ask to inspect the property before allowing any contact.
(how come fathers are trustworthy with the children then when they leave they suddenly become dangerous an just want to hurt them unless mum can control this?)

Overnight contact? What for? he's fulfilling his needs there, I mean since you cheated on him and the relationship ended and you denied contact he hasnt even put the child to bed the child will become too distressed, this isnt in his best interests....He should ocm eround to yours and do it, oh no Im not having that man in my house.

can I change my childs name? not legally because their entitled to dads estate BUT you can call them your name at the GP or school anyway.

He rang the GP and asked what illness MY children had? interfering manipulative bastard.

Dad; I can care fo rmy children - prove it. Mum; I can care for my...you're a mum of course you can.

These best interests are not for the child, the child needs both parents and the NRP should be permitted to form that secondary attachment figure (children securely attached to both parents do better than those to one), not grandma, not uncle, DAD, these alternate weekends and children screaming, is it any wonder? they get driven off with a practical stranger and of course ex's love watching the child distressed in this way and dont support it (in the childs best interests). courts are supposed to permit frequent and substantial contact as is the CHILDS right yet rarely do, only seeing some guy once a fortnight when you live with your mum and her fella is not shared responsibility fo ryour child, its an 'allowance' and you'd better keep paying for the house your ex and her new fella are living in.

The childs best interests seem to be whatever mother thinks at whatever time, As said rebecca minnock, only a few mums would support her as how awful must it be to have to give your child up to an abuser - a what now? theres no evidence? there sno smoke without fire, men lie. Yet if he runs off, marksmen are out and not in best interests of child, how could he do that to a mother, she hit him? rubbish he's just saying that for legal aid and to manipulate.

The system is atrocious, I could be a loving doting father who was so excited to have his child. Could provide and nurture mother.

Then mother shags someone at work and boom, you're moving out of your home, youre seeing your children when she says as its more distressing for a mum to part than a dad. She can move and you cant do a thing about it. You could agree things as a family, she can change them without explanation, you could provide financial assistance, she could apply to the CMS for £20 and take it from you anyway then claim you didnt give anything and the CMS wont accept anything except from the date you became 'liable' (the date she made the application), you could have given £1000 that morning and its irrelevant.
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Ive been through it like most on here.

Remember to say "it could be worse" is equitable to telling a happy person they could be happier. People feel what they feel.

I have some knowledge of some stuff.

"in the best interests of the child" the biggest.. 3 years 11 months ago #65084

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Yeah, I think pretty much all of those have cropped up on the forum over the years :x

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"in the best interests of the child" the biggest.. 3 years 11 months ago #65111

I had every one in my case last year...........ggggrrrrrrr

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

"in the best interests of the child" the biggest.. 3 years 11 months ago #65117

MR SLIM wrote: I had every one in my case last year...........ggggrrrrrrr


The you should have shouted "BINGO" slim and claimed your prize........sorry not trying to make light of it, you've been through the lot and come out the other side so can hopefully smile at that comment.

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As for the original post it does seem that there is so much biased towards the mother and not enough consideration towards the fathers involved.

GTTS

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Last Edit: by got-the-tshirt.

"in the best interests of the child" the biggest.. 3 years 11 months ago #65142

Oh I'm smiling mate lol It comes and goes with me like I said I can't and never will forgive her for last year and I have put it to one side for the sake of our girl and because she still blows hot and cold at times it does bring it all back especially when I miss my girl mid week I've found it more difficult working with her this year than the court case last year.

I've built my bond with my girl now so everythings gravy with actually being a Dad peeps always say how are you coping now you're allowed to be a Father and I'm like that's the easy bit it's dealing with the Mother thats the hard part lol :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

"in the best interests of the child" the biggest.. 3 years 11 months ago #65164

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MR SLIM wrote: Oh I'm smiling mate lol It comes and goes with me like I said I can't and never will forgive her for last year and I have put it to one side for the sake of our girl and because she still blows hot and cold at times it does bring it all back especially when I miss my girl mid week I've found it more difficult working with her this year than the court case last year.

I've built my bond with my girl now so everythings gravy with actually being a Dad peeps always say how are you coping now you're allowed to be a Father and I'm like that's the easy bit it's dealing with the Mother thats the hard part lol :)


Im never happier and sadder than when my son is screaming murder on my shoulder from teeth, I can have a tear and a smile at the same time.

then when mum prises the toy out of his hands that hes not let go of in both visits to hand back to me after ai said 'its ok it sems to be his flavour of the week Ill get it next time'

Ill

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Ive been through it like most on here.

Remember to say "it could be worse" is equitable to telling a happy person they could be happier. People feel what they feel.

I have some knowledge of some stuff.

"in the best interests of the child" the biggest.. 2 years 6 months ago #80393

Being new I don't want to rattle my cage too much, and overall agree with the opening post.

Overall but not fully.

(children securely attached to both parents do better than those to one), not grandma, not uncle, DAD,

While I don't disagree with the fact that children do better with attachments with both parents I am concerned that this seems to be dismissing the importance of children having the right of developing a wider range of contact and relationships with the extended family. Ideally this should be with both sets and not just the one with custody.

This doesn't mean I don't have sympathy for fathers, because I do, but to attack other important relationships is not the way to go as the two should not be exclusive.

I totally agree that something needs to change, children are too often seen as possessions with the rights of the owner being seen as all important. If that seems familiar outside of the family setting it is because it was a common argument with slavery.

Considering we ratified the UN Convention on children's rights on 16th December 1991 - just over 25 years ago - it is about time this became the guiding line on what is best for children. This includes article 18. The guiding principle behind the convention is 'the best interest of the child' and where either parent has been shown to have deliberately worked against the child's best interest this should be taken into account by the family court. Especially in the abusive of article 19..

I would go further and say that it is long past the time, where necessary, that parents are made fully aware of their so called rights and more importantly their obligations. Where the parent with responsibility is shown to be ignoring these obligations, and there for questionably taking regard of the best interest of the child, then this should be considered by the court. Hopefully in time this would cause a shift in attitudes of parents.

There are cases where I do believe that the father has no rights, but can be held responsible for financial support. For example in the case of where the child is the result of rape the 'father' should be held responsible for financial support with no rights including access to child, access to information about the child's development or any other normal rights a father may be entitled to. This should be done via the appropriate government agency with no direct contact with the mother or child. Though I accept even here there could be grey areas where a legal decision may be needed.

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