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TOPIC: Mother using children as a pawn

Mother using children as a pawn 2 months 1 week ago #97321

Hi all ,
I’m new to this and I’m desperate , I left my wife and started a new relationship very quickly , I have now been with my partner for 9months.
We live together and my two children 8 and 4 both adore her .

The only problem is my ex at every opportunity uses the children against me . She will say things like they can’t be left alone with my partner or you’ll never see the children again or things along those lines . Basically she know that I will do anything for the children and she can demand what she wants when she wants and we have to play by her rules or I can’t see my children .

I need this to stop. For instance she let my new partner look after my children for 2 days at Xmas alone , but last week I left my son with her for 1 hour whilst I took my daughter to gymnastics and I got threatened with not being able to see them ever again if I did it again .

What can I do to stop this . I’m not stupid , I know it hurts her and I will have to deal with the same thing one day but surely it’s about the children , the children are so happy when they are with me , I have them a lot .

Also I don’t have a lot of money so if it goes to court I will have to repsresent my self , I have no problem speaking for myself , I have a respectable job , never been in trouble with the law or violent so see no reason why I can’t have some sort of order put in place . My only problem is I can’t have them 50/50 because at any point my work could send me to say London the following day and I wouldn’t be able to take the kids to school .

Advice would be amazing

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Mother using children as a pawn 2 months 1 week ago #97329

  • Yoda
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Hi there

Tricky. Sounds like mum's head is all over the place with her lack of consistency.

It's not an easy situation to be in and I'm sure a lot of us on here have been in that situation at one time or another.

Can you ask to sit down together for a coffee away from the children and in a public place and try to talk things through? Sometimes just having a bit of empathy and telling each other you understand can move mountains.

If she is finding it hard, maybe you could suggest mediation?

I would go down the gentler route as a first step as things can escalate very quickly once court applications start taking place.

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Mother using children as a pawn 2 months 1 week ago #97339

Hi , thanks for the response ,

Tried the whole sitting down in a coffee shop , we can’t ever just talk without arguing .
We were about to go to mediation a few weeks ago because she wrote out a calendar of when I have the children and when I don’t , but we ended up agreeing on it sort of , but now she’s going back on things we have agreed on .

We just can’t go on with her throwing her toys out whenever she feels like it and using the children , she does it all the time .

I’ve been no angel in all of this but it is time we move on for the children but she really doesn’t get it . She had boyfriend for a brief period and things were a lot different then because she was occupied , now she’s not she won’t leave me alone , every time I drop the kids off I’m guaranteed a txt about 30mins later kicking off about something , she must interrogate the kids when they get in

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Mother using children as a pawn 2 months 1 week ago #97341

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Perhaps just suggest mediation then & if she won't do that or does it and won't stick to things, court is the only other option.

Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better I'm afraid.

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.
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