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TOPIC: Upset child !

Upset child ! 3 weeks 2 days ago #101809

Hi guys
I'm looking for advice for a friend he's got a young daughter who is only 3 he see's her in a contact centre once a month his ex claims he was physically sexually and emotional abusive towards her in their relationship social services and the police where involved and they made the decision to split up for the sake of the child the mother agreed to supported contact centre after they split up the mother wanted one of his relatives to supervise contact but the court pushed for a fact finding hearing the result was 7 out of 8 in her favour so they demanded that my friend do a dvpp course he failed to do it because he says she is lying and just wants revenge for him cheating on her when they were together I would of thought he would do the course and jump through hoops to see more of his daughter because his ex girlfriend won't allow staying contact without it

The reason for my message is the daughter is really upset she really misses her father she cries and hates it when contact ends because she loves her father very much and has a good bond with him, social services say he's too much of a risk for her to live with him because of DV and they are concerned that his daughter will witness DV but surely they can't view him that bad if he's left to look after her in a supported contact centre his ex girlfriend hasn't made any other allergations like he abuses his daughter just that he abused her in the past, I understand that the courts and social services need to be cautious when it involves children but is this a step to far?

Please advise me what he should do next I don't think he will do the dvpp course he could take it back to court is it likely he could get more than once a month if the child wants more contact? Is it likely they will take into consideration what the child wants?

I thought in DV cases living with the father and contact are two different issues I just don't see why he couldn't have some unsupervised access even if not staying contact?

If anyone has been through something similar and can offer my friend advice I would be so greatful.

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Upset child ! 3 weeks 1 day ago #101827

hi,

if courts have advised him to take that DVPP course, then he should complete it. like you mentioned, he should just jump through the hoops. my case was nothing serious. but they recommended both parents to take separated parenting course. a 4 hour class. i just did it. by being stubborn, he is making things more difficult for himself and reducing chances of him seeing his child in a normal home environment.
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Upset child ! 3 weeks 13 hours ago #101850

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He definitely needs to do the course if the court has told him to, if he doesn't he could be in contempt of court, and even if not, if the court tell him he needs to an he ignores them, just imagine what the courts are going to think of him.
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Upset child ! 3 weeks 2 hours ago #101865

Thanks for your replies

My friend has got mental health problems the judge was understanding about this and he didn't get into trouble for not doing the dvpp he only attended a few sessions and packed it in. my friend's final order is he gets once a month in the contact centre until his child is a adult and the judge hopes he does the dvpp one day in the future if he does he can put a court order in for more contact.

It's his child who wants more contact and gets very upset because children love both parents and don't care what happens between parents.

Are the court right keep a parent who has got mental health problems and may be inocent away from there child because they wouldn't do that dvpp.

He's got other children he cares for without any problems he has them every weekend (different ex partner) she has never complained about abuse herself or the children.

Just seems unfair

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Upset child ! 3 weeks 45 minutes ago #101866

It is sad that they keeping a child away from a father, this is child abuse and fathers human right violations. It is definitely not in the interest of the child, Statistics show children who are deprived of a parent are likely to suffer and fall behind.

I don't think he can do much other than to abide with the courts unless of course mother allows the child to see the father. To change the system you need to contact your MP
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Upset child ! 2 weeks 6 days ago #101877

Thank you for your reply..FathersRights
Why do you feel this is child abuse?
Is it a violation of father's human rights if the father refuses to do the dvpp?

Please can you answer my questions

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Upset child ! 2 weeks 6 days ago #101914

It is child abuse if you are denying a child from seeing the parent. Yes it is also a fathers human right violation by stopping him having access to his kids.

What is the reason for putting someone on DVPP? In some cases, yes, a father may be an unfit parent due to a history of prison, violence, rape or other abuse, but in many cases fathers simply want to share the parental responsibility in an EQUAL fashion
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Upset child ! 2 weeks 6 days ago #101915

Thank you FathersRights

I'm glad you can accept that in some cases the father is abusive and I feel you are right that some mother do lie to get their ex partners out of the childs life but my friends ex hasn't totally cut him out of his life he does get contact in a contact centre not no contact so I don't get why it's violation of his human rights sorry I feel we will disagree on this point.

I feel you are right with what your saying about the child it's sad when children can get emotional problems caused by being separated from their father the courts excuse is that safely of the child because some of the abusive father's have gone on to kill their children not saying that mother's haven't killed their children too but it's that big point that women's aid make about abusive father's killing their children.

I feel that parents should share responsibility if both parents are safe because their are lots of unsafe mother's out there.

Thanks for your reply I do appreciate it.
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