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TOPIC: Am I being selfish?

Am I being selfish? 3 years 9 months ago #73146

Hey guys,

So as a bit of background to me, I'm 30 years old and I am the father to my two gorgeous girls, one of 16 months and one of 2 weeks. I am a soldier and I am currently in Afghanistan, where I have been since November, so I missed to the birth of my second, I got to be a part of it through FaceTime, but my mother in law stepped in for me I the hospital.

I have recently (even before the birth) been arguing with the Mrs about my plans when I come home. As it stands, I have 5 weeks of post operational your leave and 2 paternity. And I would like to spend 6 or so days doing the West Highland Way ( a long distance walk of around 152 km in Scotland) which I have been wanting to do since before our first girl was even born.

Obviously the Mrs is opposed to this seeing as I have been away from home for so long (4 months by the time I get back) and because I have missed not only the birth of our second but so many milestones that our oldest has reached ( first haircut, first proper words ect) and I am inclined to agree, but at the same time I feel like I should be able to take some time to myself after being on operations. I know how hard it has been for my Mrs going through all that she has.without me and having to cope with 2 children by herself, and that's why she feels this way.

I know this must seem pretty trivial compared to some of the problems people have on here but does anyone have any advice or suggestions? I don't know if I'm in the wrong for wanting to spend more time away from my family or if it's perfectly understandable?

Thanks in advance!

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Am I being selfish? 3 years 9 months ago #73147

Hi There,
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I think you owe it to your partner to maybe give her a little break whilst your home on leave, she has been looking after everythng whilst you have been away, I get you want to do this challenge, but maybe wait until the next time you get leave, your daughter is very young at the moment so make the most of your time at home with her.
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I'm not saying it's selfish to want to do this challenge, but your possibly not being as thoughtful towards your family as you could be.
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GTTS

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Am I being selfish? 3 years 9 months ago #73149

I'm torn with this one...

On one hand I can see how your partner and others may see what you want to do as selfish after she's spent time having to cope alone while you're away.

On the other hand I can only imagine how difficult and emotional your job must be, and there's a reason why you're given post operational leave to recuperate and get back to 'normal'. It's not like you've been away on holiday, you've been working.

I can sympathise from both sides and I think you might have to see how the situation is when you get home. You may decide you want to stay at home, but equally your partner may feel supported enough when you are there that it's not an issue for you to go on your trip.

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Am I being selfish? 3 years 9 months ago #73174

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...I agree with Spottedtree, whilst it's important that you spend your leave with your family, it's also important that you have some time for yourself. I can only imagine the pressures of your job, as well as the harsh conditions you've been living in and the things you may have witnessed.

I would try and discuss it with your Mrs without getting into an argument, tell her that you understand how she feels and try and explain to her that time to yourself after being under so much pressure for the last four months isnt a matter of wanting to leave her but it's your way of getting yourself back on track....a way to heal if you like.

Perhaps you could think about making a compromise, doing something along the same lines but shorter, taking 2-3 days out instead, but with her agreement that you can do the West Highland Walk next year when the girls are a little older. Maybe try and arrange for your girls to stay with family for a few days so that you and your Mrs can take a short break together.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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