thats easy - i want to leave them happy memories, good character, manners, a sense of puropse and being, an i can do mentality .... i want to leave them joy in who they are as people and excitement about living life.
I have to say i think dads should always put family first - for me its very straight forward. I want to be there when my kids eat breakfast and tea. I want to be there at bath time and bedtime. I only get a few hours with them from Monday to friday and i will not allow those to be taken off me. I do my job and i do it well - i do what i'm paid for, why should i be bullied by men and women who have no family values and don't care about what their kids grow up to think of them.
My dad lived for the money, his idea of love was to buy me stuff and leaving an inheritance. He went bankcrupt and i don't love him. all I want to leave my kids is the knowledge that i was there for them and loved them. All i leave behind me is who my kids become, their values and their lifestyles. My imput, my being there is crucial to their outcome.
😉
Hello freerunner, can I give another viewpoint, although I think I understand what you are saying.
I run large IT organisations and IT is not a 9-5 job at times. We have issues that have to be addressed and we have to schedule downtime outside of normal working hours, which is increasingly difficult in global organisations. So to say that I bully staff into working these hours is wrong. The same is true to say that the unmarried or childless should do it only is wrong, because why should these people do it without others doing it.
Do these extra and sometimes excessive working hours have an impact on family life? Well probably at times, however, a managers job is to ensure that one the company gets what they want and two the best from their staff. I would argue that a good manager can juggle both and at times taht means giving something extra back to the employee. Also as other people have said here, if you enjoy work, then the "balance" that you are seeking may be easier, but still at times be strained by real life.
As a manager what I see is some staff always make themselves available and others do the opposite, but at salary review time, the latter often get upset and ask why their salary is not going up as fast as some others. Now if you think that I am bullying somone by pointing out that yes I value their work during normal working hours, but that the extra mile that some others go means that my discretionary ability to up that persons salary further is a reward and a thank you for those, with or without children that always give extra.
Hi DPG - well you have hit on one of my fav soap boxes!!! that of value .. do i think its wrong to value one member of staff over another finacially, yes.. do i think its wrong that people, in general, work over their contracted hours, yes.. If a worker has to work past their contracted hours then give them overtime not up their salary. Why should their work mate who is doing just as good a job but for personal reason may not be able, or simply not want to work extra hours be penalised finacially , why should they have to live up to someone elses personal lifestyle choice? Who are we to say and give finacial reward to one persons in such a situation. You only have to look at the stats to see family breakdowns, divorce, low self esteem in kids, gang crime etc etc are all linked to issues around absent dads who in a large percentage of circumstances are stuck in the rut of having to walk the company line of selling their soul to furfill the last line of their contract that states " and work additional hours as set out by the CEO" ... my CEO thinks that although my contract says 8.30 - 5 that really means 7.30 - 6.30 and there must be something wrong with my family and wife esp if they/she needs me home before that. why shopuld the company get what it wants if that means more than the job entials outside of the paid and agreed terms of contract? every corporate wnat more, more money more free hours..... where does it all stop?
Nothing in ones working life is that important, and if folk thing it is well, then get out another of my soap boxes ... I'm a oneman crusade on changing societies values!!!!
going back to my CEO - she sees the opportunity of not having annual salary increases as a way of making savings it has nothing to do introducing salary scales as a way of rewarding hard work, no one in my office will ever live up to her expectations anyway..role on monday!!!
I was just looking at the boards and this is one of the hottest threads! Why is it us guys struggle so much with this one?
- Is it we find identity at work {yes for me}
- Is it we hate not achieving something everyday [yes for me]
I was chatting to a mate of mine about it and he said he'd got stuff out of balance not becuase of any of the above - but because "home was not the best place to be" - basically he and his missus were arguing all the time and when he really analysed it that was why he was working so hard - just to say out of the house.
It was one of the last things i would have thought of - but he was right and it got me thinking about keeping my relationship with my wife strong and how easy it is to 'do cave time - at work' and just avoid going home - or going home on time.... and of course the more i thought about it the more i realised i'd done it myself...
There are some great articles on the adult relationship on the rest of the site check out http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/categories.php ... k=articles
This is truely one of those threads that create chatter.
I used to work for a large organisation, in their IT Ops department. At the time I was single and used to work long hours and work outside normal hours often...just to get the job done...
As with many companies though, it is almost an expectation that employees do this type of work and those that do, get reward at pay review time. I agree with Freerunner on this quite strongly though, but understand the pressures.
When we had our first, I left that lifestyle behind and moved job and started in public sector. Although the pay and pay rises are worlds apart, I am happy and content (not particularly driven by money at the moment, so that helps).
The greatest thing about public sector (or where I am anyway) is that there is no expectation that I should work outside of hours, especially as my colleagues know I have a family. Many others do as well and you soon find that there seem to be a lot of people who are there to get better work life balance.
I was a manager once, worked whatever hours were needed, frequently worked weekends and bank holidays. I definitely couldn't do that now I'm a father.
I then started work at a management consultancy, but when my wife got pregnant and it sunk in that I would be away from home Monday to Friday most weeks with no flexibility and the possibility of missing some really big life events I knew in my heart I couldn't do that with a child.
In my current job my boss is a real family man. It's a often used phrase (and people were quite cynical when I got the job and told them that) but he really is. He explained in the interview that if you have a bad night he's fine with you coming in a bit late. When I had some problems in the family he was pretty much trying to force me out the door, saying "you know my view on family, if you feel you need to go, go".
When my son had a chest infection the other day he was flexible enough to allow me to take him to the GP, and because I'd had a bad night he was calling me throughout the day and telling me to catch up on some sleep (I'm currently working from home).
All this really helps with my work-life balance. To me, you can work whatever hours on whatever days you like, but as long as you can be there for your family when it matters, that's what's really important.
dude your boss sounds great!
What! You work, have kids, and have hobbies? 😀
I know what you mean - once I've done a 12 hour work day, eaten and helped out around the house, it doesn't leave much time for anything else. I would really like to move job (3hour daily commute), but the time it all takes makes even looking for a new job very difficult - only really leaves the weekends and that's when I want to be spending proper time with the family.