Effects of a new baby on a relationship

Once your partner's body has recovered from the onslaught of pregnancy & labour, why doesn't she want to have sex any more? DAD.info looks at the why and how you can support her during this time...


No more sex?

Finally, you are a ‘Dad’ - you have procreated & produced offspring, an heir or heiress to your fortune (?), a cute bundle of joy, and most importantly, you now know your sperm has real punch!

All very well and good, but you still want time with your wife/partner - only she seems somewhat distracted. She is in a constant round of feeding, changing nappies, washing baby, washing clothes, feeding, changing nappies - and for some reason at the end of the day, all she wants to do is sleep!

Once your partner’s body has recovered from the onslaught of pregnancy & labour, why doesn’t she want to have sex any more? You haven’t changed, you are still the hunk of a man that she dreamt of and fell in love with (and made a baby with!) yet she just wants to roll over & doze the night away.

Not fair is it. Any great solutions?

  • Patience - is that an option? The question is, are things ever going to be the same as they were before the baby? Most likely, not. But, your time together will be even more precious - you need to make the most of time & allow your relationship to mature to new heights.
  • Talk to her - why is she so tired? She may well snap back at you for such a ‘dumb’ question but at least you are talking. Is there anything you could do to help?
  • Think practical - can you take the baby out so she can have a nap or just have some time to herself? Could you give her a morning/day out - time away from the stresses of motherhood.
  • Make time for the two of you - remember what dating was like? Can you arrange a babysitter, have a meal out, walk on the beach, go to the movies - just time for you & the mother of your children. It will be a very long time before you can spend as much time together as you did pre-baby, but one day it will just be ‘you & her’ - so make sure you still know who she is & keep the love alive. The old saying ‘quality is better than quantity’ may be key.
  • Talk, talk, talk - above all, keep the communication lines open. You may both be frustrated with the current situation, but look for ways to support & help each other, and remember this is just a ‘season’ in life. Babies do grow up! In fact, they have a tendency to turn into teenagers... and that raises a whole lot of different issues!

It's worth remembering this is a temporary season. How you approach the situation during this time will influence your long-term couple relationship - so considering some of the above approaches can help strengthen your relationship and of course help you approach the subject of sex when she is ready again. 

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Guest Thursday, 28 January 2021

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