Children & Relationships - A survival guide

There are times in every relationship when things don’t run smoothly. Often major life changes like having a baby can have a big impact on a couple. Understanding these situations and knowing what you both can do about it can make the difference between growing stronger together and struggling to get past the problems...

Here we take a look at some of the issues you might be facing and as well as exploring some possible solutions.

We argue so much more than we used to

Arguing happens. Ideally it doesn’t happen in front of the children, but at some stage it’s likely to happen. How you row will affect your children. Learn to limit the impact it has on them by setting boundaries and arguing effectively.
Here are five ways you can argue effectively, and dramatically limit the impact on your children:

  1. Keep calm and do your best to avoid swearing and especially violence. Children will remember those harsh words and actions
  2. Keep the children out of it – never ask them to take sides, this will put them under unfair stress.
  3. Take time out – if you feel things are getting out of control take a breather, walk away and cool down.
  4. Let the kids see you resolve the argument – whether it’s verbally or with a hug or a kiss, they need to know it’s over.
  5. Talk about it – tell them it’s okay to argue and that you still love them and each other. Explain it’s not their fault and explain how you’ve made amends.
  6. Remember, it’s not the end of the world if you do end up rowing in front of the kids, just try your best to take the right steps to make sure your cross words don’t have a lasting impact. You are only human after all.

We are not as close as we used to be

For new parents, baby, work life, home life, 'us' time and 'me' time are in constant competition. We often struggle to fit everything in and end up neglecting each other.
Here are 4 top tips that will help your relationship stay strong:

  1. Mix Things Up - Variety is the spice of life. Keep your relationship alive by trying something new instead of doing the same-old-same-old.
  2. Have some 'Me time' - We all need to keep some time for ourselves. Whether we find some time to be with friends and family, or choose to be alone doing the things we enjoy keeps us in a positive frame of mind.
  3. Stay close - Being intimate – physically and emotionally - is really important for keeping relationships strong. Try to make time to be alone together.
  4. Appreciate your time together - Focus on the positive things in your relationship. Instead of thinking about what's wrong, remind yourself of all the things you like about your partner and the ways you have fun together.

Our sex life is just non-existent

Check out the tips below for some good ideas that could help you get that spark back.

  1. Get nostalgic - Turn back time on your relationship by reliving some of your fondest memories. Visit an old haunt, get dressed up for dinner, or set the alarm early for some extra snuggle-time before work.
  2. Think about your surroundings - A messy room, harsh lighting and dirty bedding isn’t likely to get you or your partner ‘in the mood’. Tidy up and try to create a romantic atmosphere where you can both relax.
  3. Touch - Here comes the science! Oxytocin, a chemical in our bodies responsible for bonding in relationships, increases when you touch someone.
  4. Talk more often - The more you have open conversations the more comfortable you’ll both be raising issues around sex.
  5. Have realistic expectations - Relationships are nothing like what they show in the movies. Comparing yourself to fictional couples will only lead to disappointment.

Didn’t find what you were looking for?

Don’t worry; we have lots more information, advice and guidance to help:

DAD.info Forum - A place to discuss everything and anything relationships.
Relationship Tool – With top tips, articles and videos, use our interactive tool to tailor the information you need to help you get over the bumps.

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Guest Monday, 12 November 2018

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