Dad dot info
DAD.info form. Ask questions, get answers

The Lonely Island

Are You Ever Lonely?

2.5 million British men have no friends they would turn to in a crisis.

One Dad from London generously agreed to share his experience of fatherhood and loneliness with Dad.info. We asked him whether he is ever lonely and he said

I’ve definitely struggled with loneliness and had periods where I’ve spent so much time just with my son and not interacting with many adults that I start to feel incapable of really having grown up engagement with the world. I often feel shy and insecure around other parents as they are generally much older, all seem to be in little cliques and, in our area, are generally from a very different world – finance/ city workers – so we often don’t have a huge amount in common… I used to drive out into the countryside and go walking with my son in a special backpack. Fun for a bit, but definitely highlighted a sense of isolation.”

Have you ever felt like him?

New babies bring new responsibilities. You probably aren’t sleeping. You are always rushing home to take over from a stressed partner. Nights out are rationed. What has happened to your social life! Although most Dads work full-time, often that means shift-work or self-employment so that they can care for their children. Which means some days it will be just you and baby, all day

Being lonely is as bad for you as obesity.

b2ap3_thumbnail_BedexpStock-of-pixabay.png

24% of parents will admit to feeling lonely. Well, I have certainly been there. Walking on the seafront with a buggy. I know that although being lonely in itself isn’t a mental illness,it is really bad for you.

Actually, it is just as bad for your health as obesity or smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I clung to baby groups to save my sanity but anyone who has ever dared venture there will know men are a rarity. You can often be the only man there, singing nursery rhymes in another octave.

Or have well-meaning helpers congratulate you for knowing how to change a nappy.

Also many men feel uncomfortable chatting to people they don’t know so can end up lonely in a crowd. If the baby groups aren’t the solution what can you do to tackle loneliness while you are bringing up baby?

Top Tips

b2ap3_thumbnail_guy-2607446.jpg

Form a group of your own friends.

Make friends with parents of similar age children and hang out together with the kids. Form a WhatsApp group and let people know when you are free and where you will be.

Volunteer

Try searching for local voluntary opportunities you can do with your kids. You might have a Pocket Park in your area where your child can play while you get your hands dirty. Keep your eye on webpages like Semble and Do It –  for other opportunities to get out there.

Take some Exercise

b2ap3_thumbnail_24052019-running.jpg

Join a Park Run – www.parkrun.org.uk – with your kids or what about Good Gym – www.goodgym.org – motivate yourself to run and at the same time support another lonely person in your community.

 Find local events

Apps like Hoop and local Facebook groups will tell you everything you need to know about what is happening in the area.

Look out for Forest Schools, Football sessions or Music Groups. There is a lot out there so try something new this week.

National Childbirth Trust groups run in every town and you can meet a few Dads there who are in the same boat as you, this group will prove invaluable as your kids grow up. 

Social Media isn’t the solution

b2ap3_thumbnail_sunset-3708394_20190524-171020_1.jpg

Watching other people’s perfect lives play out on Instagram makes it even harder to admit your own loneliness.

Instead…

Phone a friend

Phone your old friends (even if they are at work). Even talking for a few minutes with a mate will break up your day. Remember you are not alone If you are feeling lonely you are not the only one.

If you can, talk to someone and ask to spend time with them. Chances are they could be feeling lonely too. If you are feeling lonely right now come over and chat on the DAD.info Forum.

 Or the Samaritans are always available on 116 123.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Related entries

Avoiding War With The In-Laws

Avoiding War With The In-Laws

My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I’ll be buried at sea.- Les Dawson  Negotiating tense relationships with in-laws can be a minefield, not to mention a constant headache. Perhaps they disagree with how you parent...

Lockdown Love: planning your Valentine’s Day

Lockdown Love: planning your Valentine’s Day

Staying home is the new going out, but what can we plan to make Valentine's day special under a national lockdown? Have you been stuck at home spending every day with your partner for the last 12 months and the idea of romance is a joke? Or, do you live apart from...

Stop Trying to Fix It

Stop Trying to Fix It

   We've all been there.   The other half comes home from work and they are upset about a problem at work.   So naturally, you want to help them fix the problem. But they just take it out on you... and you were only trying to help! What's going...

Latest entries

Your Guide to the European Championships

Your Guide to the European Championships

Like it or loathe it, the next few weeks are going to be all about football. If you want the basics to keep up with your footy crazy kids we’ve compiled this handy guide to give you an overview of the upcoming European Championships. UEFA.com What are the European...

ASK DEBBIE- I AM A DAD WITH 50/50 SHARED CARE

ASK DEBBIE- I AM A DAD WITH 50/50 SHARED CARE

Dads, do you struggle sometimes? Who do you reach out to for help? Debbie Pattison, a qualified counsellor at Fegans can answer your questions. Send them in to Ask Debbie at info@dad.info and if she can she will answer. Today’s question is from a dad who shares care...

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex welcome a new baby girl

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex welcome a new baby girl

Welcome to the world Baby Lilibet. The Dad.info team loves a baby and the new daughter of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex is just the good news we need. https://twitter.com/RoyalFamily/status/1401614927236841474 Named for her grandmother and great-grandmother, Lilibet...

Pin It on Pinterest