In the two years of this blog, I have tried to be honest about my views of fatherhood…
This week I buried a friend who had may great qualities but I was touched most by the tributes of his daughter, and it led me to think about how my children would remember me.
You may have played the epitaph game? It was a discussion I had had occasionally with my friend as we met for coffee, travelled to jobs together or just kicked the breeze… I ever really focused on the answers it was chat……but …
Hearing about Jack as father and he will remembered by his daughter was moving and made me think. It is not always the things you may think a child might remember, but it is the things full of love. As a tribute to my friend Jack, a father, I would like to share some of those things. Jack was full of little gestures. I would find newspaper articles sent in the post with a hand written note saying I might be interested in reading it – he was often right. His daughter recalled that when she and her sister left home to go to university, he would place a favourite magazine and a bar of chocolate on the bed every time they came home, a gesture extended to their boyfriends: consistent and caring. When one daughter commented he had forgotten the mini eggs at Easter, she returned home to find he had posted a bag with a little personal note that it was never too late.
Jack like many dads was proud of his children often spending hour on the phone telling others of their successes at university, jobs and what they were up to, but unlike many dads Jack told his children of his pride, and communicated with them every day. It is a testament to his skills as a dad that his children would often be the ones emailing or calling him.
Jack was a joker and like many dads, had his own phrases that exasperated his children. Jack would often state a legend in his own household. His daughter talked about a time when she found his wallet when we was younger. She was puzzled by a small laminated photo in it of two goats. When she asked him about it, he smiled and told her he was proud of his daughters and when he talked to people about them he wanted to be able to show them a photo of his two kids.
I know many of you may be off to search the internet for goat picture now, but that was his ability as a father and as a man to inspire through honesty and trust. His relationship with his daughters was one I hope I can emulate with my sons. Whilst I morn his sudden passing I reflect on my life and my job as a father, thinking about how will I be remembered and I hear Jack’s advice to me when my eldest son was born, “You are a father, life won’t ever be the same but hang on to every minute because they grow up quickly.”
As a non-resident parent I know I want to create memories for my children that will be recalled with the same love and joy by my children as Jack’s. I want to savour every moment as you never know what life will bring.
Till next week,
Marc
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the blogger and do not necessarily represent the views of Dad.info.
