Dad dot info
Free online course for separated parents
Forum - Ask questions. Get answers.
Free online course for separated parents
DAD.info | DAD BLOGS: Marc | Have you got my back?

Have you got my back?

There is a saying, “I’ve got your back”

It’s about protecting someone, looking after them and supporting them in the areas they are weak in. As a parent, have you got your partner’s or ex partner’s back when it comes to your children? Or, do your children manipulate you playing one off against the other?

As parents living in the same household, it can we be difficult deciding who has what? How much screen time, or what a child can watch, is a program suitable? Along with that, to then support your partner even if you don’t believe what they say, but do so to present a united front.

As a non-resident parent it gets even harder at my house with my rules. What my ex-wife may see as standardly being restricted I may not. What I see as giving a child responsibility and accountability she says not caring or letting my children have their own way.

Being supportive and giving the same consistent message is important. But how can you do that when you don’t believe a message is right? How do you ensure your rules are maintained in your household as well as being consistent with the concept of joint parenting?

I don’t know the best answer but it is about being consistent and about how you apply rules, not what those rules are. You cannot be a soft touch or the “gullible one”, but it is important to be mindful that you still need to be able to talk with your ex for the best interest of the children.

Married, together or not do you have your partners back when it comes to being consistent with your children, not rules about how specific bedtimes are or how much TV you can watch? It is important to consider rules that build character, lifestyle doing homework before reading, reading a book before going to sleep…  Using good manners.

It is also about supporting the punishment when the rules are broken. If one says you can’t see a particular film at the cinema this week and then on a visit you take your child to see that film, sometimes the person’s punishment may seem like a punishment to get the parent not the child.

Often these problems come down to one word- communication: an ability to talk to a parent and not take it personally.

Strip out the emotion and be consistent

Sometimes I wish someone would have given me the rules. Would I have done a better job? Probably … but would I be in the place I am now with the joyful experiences I have had? NO.

With joint parenting, sometimes having a partner’s back even when you hate what they may have done to you…. is about being the better person and learning and growing… Stripping out emotion, being consistent and thinks children first .

 

Till Next Week

 

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the blogger and do not necessarily represent the views of Dad.info.

Related entries

VLOG: EVOLVING FATHERHOOD ROLE AND RELATIONSHIP BONDS

VLOG: EVOLVING FATHERHOOD ROLE AND RELATIONSHIP BONDS

“I think that sometimes if you try and tighten the bonds and be more controlling – are you going to then create resentment in your children? Are you going to create a situation where they look at you and go, “don't really like what me dad's doing? I feel constricted.”...

VLOG: EVOLVING FATHERHOOD ROLE AND RELATIONSHIP BONDS

Children’s Parties

Planning a children's party? Follow these top tips... When my son turned six last week we didn’t have a party, given our situation my ex felt it wasn’t appropriate and anyway the class hadn’t had big parties this year and we didn’t have to pay any back. It is a sad...

Latest entries

Black Friday: don’t waste your cash

Black Friday: don’t waste your cash

It's tempting, isn't it? The promise of bargains, money saved and Christmas all wrapped up. However, once you look beyond the gloss and excitement of Black Friday, are the deals really worth it? Do I need it? Can I afford it? The first thing to consider when...

Thrifty Christmas- how to save money and shop early for deals

Thrifty Christmas- how to save money and shop early for deals

Cost of living crisis slashed your Christmas budget? Never fear. It's entirely possible to have an equally great Christmas for less cash. While you may feel like you don't want to let your children down with a naff present, there are ways to avoid splashing mega cash...

Pin It on Pinterest