Dad dot info
Free online course for separated parents
Forum - Ask questions. Get answers.
Free online course for separated parents

Manners

Children and manners can be very subjective.  “Please” and “thank-you” are expected but what happens when these become platitudes with no meaning, just words.

My children will always ask to get down from the table after a meal or say thank you … But what happens when it gets reeled off in habit and has no real meaning?

Recently my eldest has become rude (and, dare I say, almost ignorant) but says the words he believes are expected …. “Thank you for a lovely meal” … after every sit down meal now carries no meaning as his mother has told him it is what he must say…. So as a non resident parent how do I address this?

When recently taken out by his grandmother there were no ‘thank you’s’  for the incidentals the same acts which I would expect an 11 year old you acknowledge. It was almost as if these things were expected and there was no gratitude. Whilst appearing to be polite in situations that he has been told to say thank you for now appear become rude.

But how do you start to address things his mother encourages? Do I want a child that goes through the motions,  putting on social graces when they are expected, able to do the social niceties or do I want a child who is polite, considerate and will  be true to himself – only complementing when impressed or genuinely grateful not because it is expected?

A 12 year old who I feel is developing into someone ignorant and rude ….. A teenager ? .. Because there appears to be no sincerity in his actions …. What to do?  Because, in his mothers eyes, he behaves as society expects or should I say her family expects.

Are manners about actions or intentions?

Is social etiquette more important than being true to yourself ?

Can I blame the child for the actions of the parent?

I shall do what all parents do and try to work through it by trial and error ………but, trust me,  your ideas and suggestions on this topic are most welcome.

Till next time

Marc

 

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the blogger and do not necessarily represent the views of Dad.info.

Related entries

VLOG: EVOLVING FATHERHOOD ROLE AND RELATIONSHIP BONDS

VLOG: EVOLVING FATHERHOOD ROLE AND RELATIONSHIP BONDS

“I think that sometimes if you try and tighten the bonds and be more controlling – are you going to then create resentment in your children? Are you going to create a situation where they look at you and go, “don't really like what me dad's doing? I feel constricted.”...

VLOG: EVOLVING FATHERHOOD ROLE AND RELATIONSHIP BONDS

Children’s Parties

Planning a children's party? Follow these top tips... When my son turned six last week we didn’t have a party, given our situation my ex felt it wasn’t appropriate and anyway the class hadn’t had big parties this year and we didn’t have to pay any back. It is a sad...

Latest entries

What happens when you argue in front of the kids?

What happens when you argue in front of the kids?

It's impossible to tell before having children how stressful life as a parent can be. Burdened with managing finances, work, relationships and the many needs of a child, cracks can begin to show in even the strongest relationship. Sometimes, those cracks spark...

5 Ways Dads Can Encourage Their Toddlers To Walk

5 Ways Dads Can Encourage Their Toddlers To Walk

By Chris at Dadology Watching your baby's first steps is a truly incredible experience and one of many milestones they will hit in their first two years of life. Between 4 and 15 months, you can expect your baby to go from learning how to sit up to strutting their...

Parent Mental Health Day- tips for dealing with parenting stress

Parent Mental Health Day- tips for dealing with parenting stress

One thing you only find out when you become a parent is how tough it is. Disturbed sleep, tantrums, finances, lack of time to yourself and the burden of responsibility all take a toll on us. With this in mind, today is Parent Mental Health Day, an awareness campaign...

Pin It on Pinterest