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Free online course for separated parents | DAD BLOGS: Marc | To review or not to review.

To review or not to review.

As the New Year approaches we all look forward and make resolutions, but do we ever look back at our year and review it?

When I mentor coaches and students we talk about reflection, critically looking at what we have done and being honest with ourselves. I use a simple frame work, I start of with WWW – What Went Well – what did I do that was good and right, and conversely  INT – Improve Next Time, what and how would I improve,if I was to do it again.

Then we set future goals, or at New Year – resolutions.

For me WWW was, I survived the most emotional of years.  Most importantly I have a contact plan in place  for seeing my children. I will be honest, It has been hell at times. I have started an MSc, I am 50% of the way through the legalities of a Divorce with a time plan in place to achieve a decree absolute, hopefully, by Easter. This sets up new Goals for 2013. To complete my Msc, and rebuild my life as ME!

I recognise that although I have got through this year, it hasn’t happened without help, very special friends and family. In my darkest times I didn’t think straight, and in fact I have ruined one of the best things to come out of the year –  the  friendship of a very special person, a friend, who when I was very down I lashed out at and hurt badly. It was a bit of self-destruct on my part and one of the lowest points of my year, which was purely self inflicted.

One of my Goals for 2013 is to hopefully rebuild this friendship. Real friends are too precious to lose

WWW was that I have started this blog. I find it helpful and enjoyable to write. I want to improve the content in 2013, and set a goal to finish the copy on time.(I know I have let this slip occasionally. SORRY!)

But the biggest INT is how I am with my children, this year has descended into contact on school runs and not much ‘US’ time, now with regular contact and overnight stays at their home at Daddy’s house, I can start to be a dad who does homework, reads bed time stories and weekends together, all the things I have missed in 2013.

I suppose the biggest change for 2013 is I need to be focused on my own needs. Understanding that if I am not happy in me and who I am, how can I expect others to be happy with me? So it is about building a social life again – doing something for me and making new friends, perhaps reconnecting with those I have lost contact with during my marriage.

There is an old saying I swear by..

“You can never step into the same river twice.

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