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Dad Punditry Euro 2012

A key element of being a Dad is being able to bluff your way in any sport. Spouting off in front of your children in a knowledgeable and authoritative manner is an essential element to being the alpha male in the household.

This weekend Euro 2012 kicked off in Poland and the Ukraine. My kids are too young to make sense of it but that doesn’t mean that they should miss out on some top quality punditry and now, neither do you. Here is my exclusive guide of what to tell your children about the top teams competing in Euro 2012.

Portugal

Do say: The golden generation never fulfilled their promise. Can this new team finally make the dream come true?

Don’t say: I don’t care what happens as long as they get knocked out on penalties and I get to see that smug git Ronaldo cry

Holland

Do say: The Pass Masters blotted their copybook in the 2010 World Cup final. Can they go one better this time?

Don’t say: This bunch of hash-heads will never win anything

France

Do say: Perhaps don’t have the class of the side of Zidane and Henry but still cannot be discounted.

Don’t say: Too busy eating garlic and arguing with themselves to win anything.

Italy

Do say: Wonderful history and pedigree but will the corruption scandal overshadow their campaign?

Don’t say: The mafia have it all sown up already

Germany

Do say:  The efficient German machine can never be underestimated.

Don’t say: Two world wars and one world cup (not to mention two champion’s leagues!)

Spain

Do say: Football at its purest with Xavi and Iniesta weaving intricate spider’s webs in midfield

Don’t say: All this possession play in the final third is really boring. I wish they’d tonk it up to a big lad in the middle.

England

Do say: Hodgson’s appointment has dampened down expectations

Don’t say: It’s going to be a hat-trick: the Jubilee, the Olympics and the Euros. I’ve put the kid’s birthday money on Carroll scoring a hat-trick in the final against Germany.

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