DAD.info
Free online course for separated parents
Forum - Ask questions. Get answers.
Free online course for separated parents

Different

Meri, my nearly three year old daughter and I were wandering around Sainsbury’s the other day when we reached the baby section. As I picked up some nappies and put them in the trolley I could tell the cogs of her toddler mind were whirring away.

“Meri is a big girl. Meri doesn’t need nappies,” she stated. And yes, she was right, Meri’s potty training has been an unmitigated success and she is well and truly out of nappies. However, her logic was about to get a little less Spock-like.

“Arun wears nappies. Arun is little.” She postulated.

“No,” I responded putting her right, “Arun is two years older than you. You’re Arun’s little sister.”

Her little face scrunched up. Thinking is hard work. She re-set her assumptions and had another crack at it. “Boys wear nappies. Girls don’t wear nappies.” She theorised.

“No, darling. Daddy is a boy and I don’t wear nappies,” I put her right. Her own avenues of explanation exhausted, I could tell that she was a little confused and downbeat. “It’s just that Arun is a bit different to me and you. He needs a bit more help with some things than we do.”

She looked up at me sagely and gave the impression of some understanding.

Because of Arun’s autism and cerebral palsy he sees, experiences and enjoys the world in a different way to other children of his age. Meri is starting to notice some of these differences. For example, he doesn’t play with the same toys in the same way (he hasn’t looked at the lovey toy car garage he got for Christmas), he needs to be dressed and undressed and he needs to be spoon fed, often whilst sitting on an adult’s lap.

All of this undoubtedly has an impact on Meri. She has a fierce independent streak. From a very early age she has dressed, undressed and fed herself. No doubt partly because she has had to, given that her parents were so busy with her brother at times.

Later, in the car on the way back from collecting Arun from school Meri complained to me, “Arun needs to put his straps on.”

I glanced over my shoulder and she was right. Arun had taken the shoulder straps of his five-point car seat harness off. Meri went through a phase of doing this and we would insist that she put her arms back into the straps and make her do it if she didn’t comply. For Arun we don’t. Not because we are more lackadaisical about his safety, it’s simply a pragmatic thing: Arun doesn’t have the co-ordination to put his arms back into the straps.

“Thank you Meri,” I responded to her, “Arun does need to put his straps back on but he can’t do it on his own. He needs help.”

Once again, she seemed to understand and accept.

And, that’s the nicest thing about the whole situation. Meri, because she hasn’t known anything different, instinctively understands the diversity between her and her brother. She knows that they are treated differently and is starting to understand why. She sees this not only for him but for all of his disabled friends and classmates. Her openness, innocence and warmth shine through. She accepts him just the way he is and what-is-more, she loves him just the way he is.

And I love her all the more for it.

Related entries

Too old for this

Too old for this

It was late on a Thursday evening and Rodger and I were walking up Upper Street in Islington, looking for a Thai restaurant. We were a little worse for wear   “You OK?” he asked looking at my awkward gait. “Yeah,” I said with that little inflection that indicated...

Too old for this

The big day

I could hear the rustling from the room next-door and glanced at my watch: 6:30 am. I groaned to myself but there was a certain inevitability about it   The kids bounded into our room moments later. “Is Uncle Steve here? Is he here?” They asked excitedly. “Yes,...

Too old for this

The big questions

I was walking home from school with my five year old daughter. As we approached our front door she looked up at me   “Daddy?” she asked in that tone of voice that all dads will recognise as a precursor to something that they’ve been pondering. “Yes?” I answered...

Latest entries

Fun and easy Easter activities for kids

Fun and easy Easter activities for kids

It's not always easy to think of ways to keep kids entertained during the Easter holidays! So, we have gathered together some great, simple ideas for Easter activities for kids to keep them busy. These activities also result in lovely items that they can decorate the...

How to help a bullied child

How to help a bullied child

For parents, bullying is always a concern. With our child's school lives being mostly a mystery, it can be hard for parents to keep on top of their social interactions, and know how to help a bullied child should they need to. The Anti-Bullying Alliance has found that...

Pin It on Pinterest