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The sign of a real man is the ability to grow ridiculous facial hair and pull it off with real aplomb and confidence. Until you have sported genuinely comic facial topiary you cannot lay claim to being an alpha male. I have worn several comedy beards ranging from the “Don Johnson” to the “Ming the Merciless” but have never climbed that pinnacle of facial hair that is the moustache. Until now that is. Yes, it’s Movember and I have joined the Dadtalk Mo-Bro team.

There have been many good reasons why I have never attempted to grow a ‘tache before. Not least up until recently I had a proper job which meant doing things like going to the office and having meetings with serious people. I never fancied that housing a small marsupial on my upper lip would create a positive impression in the world of international finance. If I couldn’t take one  seriously I doubt very much that my colleagues would take me wearing a “soup strainer” with a straight face.

The other objection to a “tickler” has come from my wife. She has been dead set against the very thought of a “nose broom” let alone what it means in practice. However, after stressful negotiations we agreed that I could join with the efforts of my Mo-Bro’s at Dadtalk. The fact is that she finds very little amusing or attractive about a “face scraper” and so I am running the risk of getting very little affection this month. Please bear with me if I am irritable and snappy.

Now, I am faced with the huge decision of what sort of “flavour saver” I should grow. There are several basic designs:

The “Errol” – as sported by silver screen icon Errol Flynn. I quite fancy myself as a swashbuckling, daring ladies man. However, I am really not that sure about the matching tights.

The “Squadron Leader” – regardless of whatever the enemy threw at him, the brave flying ace would emerge unruffled as long as his trusty ‘tache remained waxed.

The “Freddie” – Freddie Mercury was a proud bearer of the great gaydar symbol of the eighties. However, given that most of the gay men I know have impeccable taste and look great all the time my tramp-like attempts to emulate the look are surely doomed to failure.

The “Chaplin”  – a true classic. Somewhat lost its sheen taken when Adolf copied it though.

The “Selleck” – Magnum PI was the man who brought the ‘tache back into mainstream fashion again. All I need is an outrageous shirt and a red Ferrari.

The “Lemmy” – Heavy metal legend Lemmy from Motorhead is a real man’s man. Screaming vocals whilst pounding his bass guitar, straddling a Harley and necking Jack Daniels. The problem is I have two toddlers that need their sleep and I have to get up very early in the mornings to look after them.

Regardless of what sort of moustache I grow, it is all for a good cause. Prostate and testicular cancer are on the increase and I am happy to help out in any way that I can. The thing is you can too. So either get growing or sponsor me and the Dadtalk team at






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