This week Arun and Meri turn the tables on their father Mrunal and have produced a report card to give him fair, considered and constructive feedback on his performance as a Dad over the last school year. Read on to see how beleaguered Mrunal got on in the eyes of his children.
Physical Education
Dad has done a great job in bringing us on with our physical development. He has attended all of Arun’s physiotherapy sessions and his efforts in helping us both progress to walking have been commendable. However, we cannot help but notice that whilst he has focussed on our physical development he has not put the same effort into his own. Bluntly, his eating habits could improve – over the last period at home he has been “no stranger to a pie” and he has noticeably slowed down around the house, the street and the park. Perhaps, we have become quicker but his increasingly laboured attempts to keep up are looking woefully inept. Must try harder.
Arts
Dad has always encouraged us to express ourselves artistically. However, he has placed unacceptable limits on our growth and exploration of artistic talents by taking a very conservative approach. His insistence that we only draw and paint on paper is very outmoded and he has repeatedly discouraged our exploration of more avant garde media such as walls, furniture and the television. Someone needs to tell him we live in 21st century Big Society Britain and not 15th century Medici Florence.
Maths
Dad has contributed to Arun learning how to count to ten which is great but a pretty useless skill for a three year old who has no money. However, he himself seems unable to count to four when out drinking with his friends and repeatedly strays over his four pint limit and ends up eating late night curries (see comments on physical education above).
Music
Dad makes every effort the expose us to what he calls “good music”. Indeed, given the slightest encouragement he will get his acoustic guitar out and give us renditions of his favourite songs of the moment. He presents this as a part of our musical education but in reality we have concluded that he is a repressed and failed rock star who now has to rely on the only audience that he has left to him – namely his two toddler children who literally cannot leave the room. However, his efforts to play Foo Fighters, Elbow and Snow Patrol have greatly aided our physical development given our desperation to get the hell out of there.
English
Dad has worked hard to teach us lots of new words and has a wide and varied vocabulary. However, he has a tendency to stray into colloquial Anglo-Saxon when placed under stress. He does, however, overuse certain words and is overly fond using the phrases “Put that down!”, “Stop it” and “No!”
Science
Don’t get us started. The man is a buffoon. He still believes that dinosaurs and dragons exist and that there is such a thing as a Gruffalo.
Summary
A good start. There is clearly no lack of effort but there may be a certain lack of ability. However, if Dad continues to apply himself, becomes more permissive and learns to spend more money on us there is every chance that he will turn out to be an acceptable father after another 18 years of training.
