Dad dot info
Free online course for separated parents
Forum - Ask questions. Get answers.
Free online course for separated parents
DAD.info | Opinion | 1 in 3 domestic abuse victims are male. We need to talk about it.

1 in 3 domestic abuse victims are male. We need to talk about it.

Maya Griffiths

Maya Griffiths

Domestic abuse is an issue that regularly finds itself in the headlines- usually because a case ends tragically.

There is often a perception that domestic abuse is perpetrated solely against women; however, 1 in 3 victims are male- around 757,000 per year on average.

One in 6 men will be a victim of domestic abuse, however men are far less likely to seek help and support.

The charity ManKind is hoping to gain awareness of the issue with its #MenYouAreNotAlone event today, 2nd November.

‘The latest research shows that there is very little change in the numbers of male victims being supported by services in their community,’ says Mark Brooks, Chairman of ManKind. ‘More are contacting anonymous helplines which is a welcome sign. However, far too many are not getting in contact, including dads.’

The facts

Of domestic abuse crimes committed recorded by the police, 26% have a male victim. However, only 4% of abuse victims being supported by authorities are men.

‘There are considerable barriers that men face even though they make up one in every three victims of domestic abuse in the UK,’ says Mark. ‘This ranges from society’s view that only women can be victims, the lack of targeted services and also men feeling too ashamed to come forward.’

61% of the men who call the ManKind Initiative helpline have never spoken to anyone before about the abuse they are suffering. 64% say they would not have called if the helpline was not anonymous.

The type of abuse that men can suffer includes:

  • physical violence
  • sexual abuse
  • psychological abuse
  • financial abuse
  • coercive control

For a full, in-depth breakdown of these types of abuse and examples, visit the ManKind website.

‘Broadly speaking, the same types of domestic abuse that affect women also affect men too,’ explains Mark. ‘It is often a myth that there is a big difference when there is not.’

Half of male victims (49%) fail to tell anyone they are a victim of domestic abuse and are two and a half times less likely to tell anyone than female victims (19%).

On average, 12 men per year are killed by their partner in the UK.

The need for awareness and to speak up

‘The numbers of men starting to come forward for help has been increasing albeit slowly and not quickly enough – far too many are not aware what is happening to them is domestic abuse and too many do not know here to turn to,’ says Mark. ‘We need a real sea change in attitude with more services and better awareness too. Male victims are far too invisible because there remains a problem in society and in politics about talking about male vulnerability.’

In addition, male victims of domestic abuse are officially classed by the UK government as being a victim of violence against women and girls- such is the current lack of provision for men.

Mankind’s Stand With Him campaign hopes to encourage men to come forward and for there to be better support for male victims in local services.

What you can do if you are a victim

If you are considering whether you may be a victim of domestic abuse, remember that it’s normal for the abuse not to be obvious. Abuse victims are often under psychological control which can make their relationship feel confusing. Head to the ManKind website’s description of abuse for more helpful information, or call 01823 334244 for confidential advice. Always call 999 if you are in danger.

‘Know that it isn’t your fault,’ says Debbie Pattison, Digital Counselling Manager for Fegans. ‘Healthy relationships are not like this. You shouldn’t feel that you are being controlled, unable to make your own decisions or feel scared, intimidated or threatened.

‘The first step to protecting yourself and stopping the abuse is the reach out.  Talk to a friend, family member or someone else you trust. Admitting the problem and seeking help does not mean that you have failed as a man or as a husband.’

Steps to take if you are being abused

  • Leave the relationship, if you can
  • Ensure you keep a diary of events/ abuse, including photos of any injuries, screen shots of abusive messages etc
  • Tell others
  • Report incidents to your GP
  • Keep your diary of events and your phone to hand
  • Make a safety plan including a route out of the home, where to go in an emergency, what important items and documents to take, the nearest support service, steps to ensure you aren’t traced
  • Do not retaliate
  • Report incidents to the police. They will believe you and take you seriously. Ask for a reference number for each incident and keep a log in a safe place
  • Your safety is the most important thing. Call 999 if you are in danger.

What to do if you suspect a friend or relative may be being abused

If you suspect a male or female friend or relative is being abused, there are a number of signs to look out for. They may include changes in:

  • behaviour or demeanour
  • physical appearance and clothing- they may have physical injuries or wear inappropriate clothing (eg long sleeves in summer), or look unwell
  • contact pattern- they may be being restricted from seeing others by their partner
  • work behaviour

Psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and may be less obvious.

If you are at all concerned, contact Mankind on 01823 334244 and they can listen and advise, or take a look at their advice on helping others.

Further resources and help

Mankind

Dads Advocates Domestic Abuse Help

Fegans Counselling

Home Office Guide on How to Get Help

Victim Support

For more information and the source of these statistics go to: www.mankind.org.uk

Related entries

How to Talk to Children about the Invasion of Ukraine

How to Talk to Children about the Invasion of Ukraine

Images of fathers leaving their families to stay behind. Videos of explosions. Photographs of children harmed. How should we talk about the Ukraine crisis with our children?    Our Fegans counsellors provide some suggestions below for engaging in...

What is life? How did it start? Why did it begin?

What is life? How did it start? Why did it begin?

Creative dad Idan Ben-Barak, author of Do Not Lick This Book and the brand new We Go Way Back, fits creative writing around raising his kids and a full-time job. Inspired, we had him in for a chat at Dad.info HQ. We Go Way Back published by Allen & Unwin...

Dad.info LIVE | chatting about being a dad to a newborn

Dad.info LIVE | chatting about being a dad to a newborn

Ian Soars, MD of Dad.info has been talking about nipples, hormones and post-natal depression with Kieran Anders Dad Matters Project Manager. Tune in and learn why dads matter to mums, to babies and to everyone. Top tips on accessing support, and learn just how...

Latest entries

Eating together is important- for both you and your kids

Eating together is important- for both you and your kids

As busy parents it can be tempting to shovel our food down Homer Simpson-style, while the kids watch a cartoon. With our daily lives so busy, it can feel like too much effort to sit down to eat together. However, research is coming to light that shows why eating meals...

ASK DEBBIE: DO I SPLIT UP MY KIDS?

ASK DEBBIE: DO I SPLIT UP MY KIDS?

Hi Dad, What a difficult decision for you. There are several things to consider here before making the final decision. Separating the children could impact the quality of the sibling relationship. This relationship is important and beneficial to the two children....

Prostate problems: what you need to know

Prostate problems: what you need to know

As it's Men's Mental Health Month (Movember) in November, Dad Info is focussing on awareness of men's health issues. As part of this series we are focussing on prostate problems. What is a prostate? The prostate is a small tube found only in men, surrounding the tube...

Pin It on Pinterest