What really changes when you become a parent? Everything does, instantly. So says Peter Howarth, former editor of Esquire and Arena magazines and father of three sons.

 When you’re about to become a father for the first time, other men who’ve already blazed that trail are keen to share their experiences. You get those who tell you it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to them, and those who talk knowledgeably of sleep patterns and the best ways of calming a colicky baby.

 And then there are those who give you that knowing look – a peculiar expression somewhere between smug resignation and pity – which seems to say “Woah, mate, you don’t know what you’re letting yourself in for.”

 I was subjected to all this, but in retrospect only one person hit the nail on the head. A colleague said he’d been told the truth about fatherhood and he was now going to impart this profound piece of wisdom to me, like the handing on of a flaming torch. “It changes everything. Instantly,” he said simply.

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  • Lerato Walter Qaba
    Lerato Walter Qaba Thursday, 03 March 2016


    I have a son I support him as much as I can but his mother refuse everytime I want to see my son

  • DAD.info Team 1
    DAD.info Team 1 Wednesday, 08 June 2016

    Dear Lerato - thank you for your comment above. It would be lovely if you could please update us with regards to your situation and let us know whether things have improved.

    If they haven't you may find the Family Rights Group website helpful:


    You may find it helpful if you post your question on our forum - the link is below:


    This is a great way for our community of Dads to share their experiences and for our experienced moderators to be able to help you.

    All the best

    DAD.Info Team

  • Guest
    Cal Sunday, 14 August 2016

    Advice please

    I have my son every weekend and school holidays, I have had him for 6 weeks of the summer holidays his mum has called him once during the holidays. She has not bothered to get him anything for starting school tomorrow myself and my partner have got him all his new stuff not that I mind but I pay maintenance she gets all the benefits for him not that iam one bit interested in the cash but I have done this for 6 year. She has moved house and therefore my son has moved school. When he was at his previous school he had an attendance officer was regularly late and missed the majority of school. Me and my partner work and I have another child at 1 and I live in Glasgow and she lived in east Kilbride so it was not easy for me to deal with his schooling the way I wanted to and when I told the school that I needed informed on the days my son was not attending school and how his progress was they failed to contact me.
    He regularly stays with her at her friends houses which concerns me as these people are not responsible adults and she tells my son they are his "Aunts".
    She has no motherly instincts i dont doubt she loves him! But she doesnt provide the care he needs I have contacted social services in the passed because my son was living in a unsafe environment when he was 2 and missed very important immunisation and he was placed on a supervision order.
    I firmly believe my son is a " meal ticket" for my ex to fund her lifestyle ad I said previously I have him every weekend Friday to Sunday night never missed one in 6 year I used to take him Thursday to Monday when he was 1-4 years old I also enrolled him in a nursery were I live taught hard for them just to take him the two days I had him as my ex opionin on nursery was I didn't go didn't do me any harm lol. She couldn't be bothered is the real reason same as she can't be bothered getting up and taking her son to school Mon to Fri shed rather have in his room watching countless DVDs for an education.
    Iam looking for some peoples advice on what I should do I was thinking of keeping him and not returning him and just dealing with his welfare myself a c tell her were to go? Or getting a parental responsibility order ?
    She also dosnt engage with me unless its to find out were her money is each month (my sons money but it gos on her lifestyle)

  • Guest
    Na Friday, 06 April 2018

    RE Advise Please

    If its that bad! Bring your son home! This time for good! Go for PR!

  • Guest
    Gary Parsons Saturday, 27 January 2018

    New born worries

    I'm a first time dad and also care for my partner who is in a wheelchair. Since the birth, as normal with babies it a varied 2-3 hour sleep get up and feed pattern which I'm finding really exhausting. Also and I don't want to sound horrible, but I don't seem to feel any bond with our child yet. In fact I keep finding myself getting irritated with her when she refuses to feed or wants another feed when I've only fed her a hour previous. I want to be a Good father, but this lack of bonding is worrying me. Is this normal?

  • Guest
    Na Friday, 06 April 2018

    Re New Born Worries

    There are times you doubt yourself as a dad, plenty when you feel irritated and over time you learn how to defuse emotions. With your child so young there not as interative at that age, so common for some new farthers and new mothers to feel a little detached to a “bond” they expect to feel. But given your circumstances, your care for a disabled partner and abilty to pick up an extra load of care for your child, hats of to you, nothing put respect! Keep in there chin up be proud it gets better, especially as baby will gradually become more interactive now. I know a hundreds dads that would by you pint at pub in utter respect! Get this hero a cape!

  • Guest
    phil Thursday, 20 September 2018

    child access advice

    I have recently divorced but been separated for 4 years. i have 2 young boys ages 9, 11. My now ex-wife is re-marrying and with my 2 boys live with the man she is marrying. When we first separated we agreed to joint custody as far as my work commitments would allow. i work shifts. At first this arrangement worked but over the past 4 years she has tried to restrict the amount of access i have to the boys. On a number of occasions she has denied me access to them. She is also now trying to deny me my parental responsibilities of any kind to the extent that she thinks her new husband should have more of a say about their future than i do.
    Does anyone have any advice on what i should do to make sure im allowed my parental responsibilities and have access to my boys.



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