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Hi, I’m the father of a nearly 14 year old son who I hardly had contact with over years because his mother prevented that stating I would be bad/ abusive to him. Apart from having to send her eye watering amounts of CMS each month, my ex refused any communication with me too. One year ago, my mother asked me if I would be able to take of my son as he seemed to be neglected by my ex. I agreed together with my fiancé. We thought we did a good and right thing back then. Fast forward to today, my son threatened my fiancé to the point where she fled in panic to a friend until I came home from work. She said she can’t live feeling threatened like that and that he has to move back to his mum. Now, suddenly my ex refuses to take him back because he poses a serious threat to her other children, hid knifes in his bedroom, threatened to kill her and tried to set the house on fire. Social work wants me (the bad, abusive dad) to take care of my son. I’m living with my fiancé in her house, she doesn’t feel safe around him anymore and social work wants me to move out, separate from her, making me effectively homeless. Can they do that? I do not want to leave her for him nor do we have the financial means to support two households. I’m so angry and stressed out about we got deceived into believing he was neglected, how s/w is acting towards me and basically threatening me with prison for child abandoning if I don’t do what they want. He has a mother who has also parental responsibility and who doesn’t work. Can they force me to leave my fiance, move with my son into some temporary accommodation? Can they rip our entire life apart? Also, after one year with my son I’m completely out of my depth how to handle the boy myself. This situation unbearable! Any advice, please? Thanks, Deed
Hi,
there is useful advice here:
with social services, I suggest you work with them. worst case scenario is that they take child into foster care.
Hi Deek,
I am sorry to hear about the challenges you are having with your son. The advice shared by DadMod2 is helpful.
To the extent that you are able, I would encourage you not to give up on working on your relationship with your son. If you are able, spending one to one time with him, on a consistent basis, doing something simple which he enjoys like going for a coffee together, going to the park for a kick-around, or going to the cinema, will help to provide the foundation for opportunities to build trust and communication. If your son shares anything about how he is feeling (e.g. anger, anxiety) try to acknowledge this, encourage him to help you understand why he is feeling that way, and ask him to try and say what he thinks might help. However, no parent should have to tolerate violence and abuse from a child. There are support services and resources to help families who may be experiencing this. This link is an example CAPVA | Respect
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