cms screwed me. now I only have one choice.

hi,

sounds like you had a tough time with CMS. can you please explain what has been going on?

I'm in what should be a well paid job me and my partner have two kids of our own and I have a narcissistic ex who has one other. 

the issue has quite a few details so here we go I was direct pay

on the 29th of April 2025 I discovered my account in arrears even though I had made all my payments, this was because the system had changed my payment from weekly to monthly, I phoned CMS and the account was fixed by changing the payment schedule to reflect over payments because of this, 25 payments of 51.60 and then 5 payments of £54 something fast forward to the 6th of August and the ex makes a report of 4 under payments and a missed payment now she didn't make a report untill the 4th of August,  now on the 4th of July I did make one missed payment by mistake and never realised this and I continued to pay the 51.60 afterwards now at some point before the 4th of July something was changed on my account and I received no letter no email and no text so say such so  the 51.60x4 payments there after was considered an under payment and the mother had my account changed to a deduction of earings, now my weekly payments are just over £71 (16%) of my net. now I did the calculations and they are as follows this is done as a calculation based on my medical need benefit and working 

Total Monthly Income: £3,038.23

Take-Home Pay: £2,038.23

Benefits: £1,000.00

Total Monthly Deductions: £732.12

Council Tax: £136.92

Child Maintenance: £322.00

Fuel Cost: £173.20

Insurance: £100.00

Final Amount Left: £2,306.11

Not Working Scenario

Total Monthly Income: £2,411.30

Benefit: £1,835.00

PIP: £303.10

Reduced Fuel: £173.20

Insurance Savings: £100.00

Total Monthly Deductions: £73.48

Child Maintenance: £36.81

Council Tax: £36.67

Final Amount Left: £2,337.82

Comparison

Based on these figures, you would be £31.71 per month better off financially by not working.

so what's the point... I had a message delayed to the ex if she doesnt respond then I have to do what's right by the kids that live with me -31.71 working 45hrs a week at over the minimum wage isn't feasible.

ok, the DOE they put you on is not permanent. after 6 months you need to tell them to take you off it. while on direct pay, best way is to set up a standing order, so the payments are sent automatically each week/month.

did CMS give you a reduction because of the 2 children you support with your partner? if not, thats a special expense you can claim.

Dear Gregory94

Thanks for reaching out on Dad Info - I hope the practical support Mod2 has offered is a support because you’re not alone.

If you're feeling like suicide is an option, please know this: there are people who care and want to help. Life can feel unbearably heavy sometimes, especially when you're trying to hold it all together for your family. But reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.

You matter. Your children need you.

If you're in immediate danger, please call 999 or contact Samaritans on 116 123 — available 24/7.

You might also find these two charities useful they are there specifically supporting dads and men who are struggling:

ANDYSMANCLUB

An in-person men’s suicide prevention charity with free, confidential peer-to-peer support groups across the UK.
Groups meet every Monday at 7PM (except bank holidays).
No referral or booking needed—just turn up.

CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)

Or if you'd be happier speaking with someone on the phone Calm, a leading movement against male suicide offers a free, confidential helpline and webchat every day from 5PM to midnight.
Call 0800 58 58 58
Or use their webchat

Thanks again for reaching out, that is exactly the right thing to do when things feel overwhelming.

Nell - Content Manager at Spurgeons (who run Dad.info)