Co parenting nightmare
We are after some advice. My husband has been split form his ex for approx 10 years, they have 2 children together now aged 19 and 16. He was originally communicating with the ex through social media apps, texts and phone calls. Since his relationship with me and me being introduced to the children the nastiness has progressed over the years. We used to have the children stay over every other weekend and they'd come one night in the week for dinner. this stopped the year before we got married then we were allowed contact again the year after we got married. Since then the messages have mostly included scorn, abuse, nastiness about me or my husband. Manipulation to communicate how she wants or he wont have a relationship with his children, cos he isnt putting them first!!!!!
We blocked her on all social media apps after warning her to stick to child related messages and to cut the rest, she couldnt do this. We have gven her the avenue of email which my husband checks every other day and she has a phone number for emergenices. This was working but the last few weeks she has changed her mind, we are back to scorn, nastiness etc...... so these kind of emails get ignored and child related only messages get responded too. She is now saying she refuses to communicate this way ans wants to refer to back to social media apps. This is not good for my husbands mental health as she is relentless with the nastiness.
Children are 19 and 16 and have a means for instant communication with their dad.
ANy advice would be gratfully appreciated, we have had enoug and wants to do what is best by the children but commincation with the mother is impossible.
I sort advice a few years ago for myself when my children were younger, they were 14 and 12, they dad was toxic. I sort advuce from a solictor who advised me that as long as the eldest child is mature enough and has a means of communication with both parents then i did not need to communicate with their dad unless absolutely necessary.
Please help us, its draining us.
that solicitor gave good advice. the children are of age where they have own phones, so dad can cut out the mother and just go directly through to kids. should work much better that way.
I agree entirely. The children can make their own minds up and will vote with their feet. If she starts harassing your husband can report her to the police and/or he could apply for a non molestation order against her. However, for everyone's sake its probably best to avoid this
the solicitor is the most important advice. I also can recommend the ex go to the doctor.
Why on earth ask a solicitor, these are not children , they are adults - they can do whatever they want.
I would just offer that as your husbands children are now older, especially in respect of the 19 year old, it is time for you to stop having any contact with their Mum, if she is continuing to be rude, offensive and the like. As long as both the children have a means of direct access to their father and yourself, then there should be no need for you to have regular contact with her. I would however, monitor closely and observe your husbands 16 year old, as they are not yet an adult and their brains are still at a critical age of development - especially with things like emotions. Keep communication open with the children, find ways of spending time with each of them just to see if there is anything that maybe worrying them about the current situation, and only have contact with their Mum in an absolute emergency - your husband and you that is.
Would it be possible for your husband to receive some counselling so he can talk through his feelings with someone who is completely neutral?
I wish you and the family well, and hope that the children's Mum will behave more reasonably.
kind regards, Parent Support