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Split up in Feb, have a 1 year old. Since February I've been having him one night every weekend. Ex is constantly micromanaging me - asking me for photos, proof of bedtimes, quizzing me on every little thing. When he's ill & can't go to nursery, I have time off work to have him so she can still go to work. She constantly changes times and locations for pick up/drop off. Won't let me take him out without her prior permission (refused to let me take him out with my brother and his one year old) whole situation bonkers. Anyway, Two weeks ago, I was still doing a night every weekend. Then I told her that my 5yo from a previous relationship was moving in. Suddenly everything changed. Now, during mediation, she's saying the 1yo isn't safe with me, she will only accept supervised visits so she can show me his routine and teach me how to look after my own son. Problem is, the mediator couldn't get her to compromise either. So now I have to either have lessons from my ex on how to do things I've been doing since he was born, or I just don't get to see him. Supervision by her, in her home. I know all of this is because of the 5yo and the fact I have met someone else. But the new gf is still very new and won't be around either child.
What am I supposed to do if the mediator is agreeing with the ex?
Ex is saying son isn't safe with me, said I don't wash his bottles, don't bath him. Etc. to me, these are NOT safety concerns. No, I don't bath him, I have him one night and she wouldn't let me bath him. And two weeks ago....I was still having him. If he was unsafe, why beg me to take time off work so she can still go to work.
What do I do. I don't want to get into a [censored] for tat scenario, I just want to see my son in my own home. No court involved yet, no previous history of any wrongdoing. She's just making stuff up because she doesn't want me to get the kids to meet without her there - which she already told me.
Do I carry on with mediation? Do I jump through her hoops? Do I just go to a solicitor?
Please advise. Early stages for me but I don't know where to start.
Sorry I prob should've put this is legal. I'm new. Just need help.
hi, if mediation has been exhausted, last resort is to apply to court. if you need help, feel free to get in touch. sending you private message.
*in legal, not is. Nothing legal arranged so far
Hi there, I'm a Parent Support Worker with Spurgeons and wondered if I could be of assistance in supporting with this difficult situation. It is something I come up against a lot in my work.
I agree with Nell, keep going with the mediation, I know it's tough but by attending, you are showing that you are willing to try and work with your ex-partner. Keep your child at the centre of all your decision making; it's important that a child has a relationship with both parents unless it can be deemed detrimental.
You clearly love your son and enjoy having him.
Would your ex-partner be open to writing up a parenting agreement around contact? This could be done via mediation and negotiated. Although it would not be a legally binding agreement, it can offer some structure around contact. The prime reason being what is best and works well for your son.
If you feel that you have exhausted all channels, then I would suggest that you get some legal advice to see what your options are.
Court can be a lengthy and costly business but sometimes it is the only way to resolve these matters.
However, I hope it won't come to that for you.
Take care.
Dear desperate
Thank you for reaching out and sharing on the forum. I’ve asked someone from our Parent Support team to come and offer you some support here.
Regarding your question about mediation, it might be worth giving the National Family Mediation helpline a call on 0300 4000 636. They may be able to offer some guidance on how best to work with your mediator. Mediation can be a really helpful process, so we hope things start to feel a bit more constructive soon.
We also offer a completely free course for separated parents, which comes with a certificate once completed. It might be something you could share with your partner as a way of showing you’re doing your best for your child – do have a look.
Keep holding onto that love you have for your little one – it's clear how much he means to you. Wishing you strength as you navigate these challenges.
All the best,
N
Thank you. Part of the problem is the meditation. I initiated it, I paid for her appointment. All because I wanted to set times and days and do the parenting plan, so that I didn't have to message her every half hour while I was with my son. But she has now twisted it all against me. She won't do anything until I've had my supervised visits. I know that she will drag this out until she is satisfied that I pass her tests. Which might be never. I want time with him without her around, even a supervised visit isn't supervised by the ex, right? How is that fair? How can a mediator agree to that when I have been doing so so so much more than that for six months? I don't understand, I thought mediation was meant to be a negotiation between parents, not just siding with one simply because they demand it and won't compromise on anything.
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