Upcoming FHDRA

Hello everyone,

first time posting here. I am to attend my First Hearing and Dispute Resolution Appointment for our child arrangement order tomorrow.

I am the respondent and I'll be representing myself (litigant in person). Been separated for 4 years now, and our (2) children's care and day-to-day care has been equally split 50/50 between myself and my ex without any court orders. In July 2024 I asked my ex to change the order of days we have the children (not our 50/50 arrangement) as the current schedule was no longer suitable (kids were alternating houses 5-6 times a week and they have been showing signs of emotional distress, so my belief is that it would be more beneficial for them to have at least 2-3 days at each parent's house to settle before moving again, alongside the fact of no disruptions during weekends so we can plan activities). She disagreed with the options I offered. We ended up agreeing in September 2024 to a slight variation of the schedule, but still, the kids were to alternate houses 4-5 times a week. I initiated mediation in November 2024 suggesting a 2/2/3 or a 2/2/5/5 schedule. That would limit house transitions to 2 per week. My ex again did not agree to it. I said we'll have to go through court then since we can't agree. Long story short, she raised a child arrangement order case before I did. Also made allegations towards me which I did not respond to. Got a call from police stating coercive control allegations which were untrue. I requested the police report which I have at hand and shows that there were no prosecutions and it was only a matter of disagreements between myself and the ex around the children's schedule. Her position statement states that she'd like for our current schedule to remain the same and for the court to decide who the children live with. My position statement states that I'm requesting an official shared/joint lives with order and also either a 2/2/3 or 2/2/5/5 schedule to be in place in the kids best interests and wellbeing. CAFCASS interview has been completed and no safeguarding concerns were found.

And here we are.

I've prepared myself as best as I can:

• I've written my 2 page position statement and drafted a parenting plan which I've sent both to the court and my ex's solicitor in advance
• I'm about to go out and print the solicitor's bundle that they've sent me, alongside extra copies of my position statement and parenting plan, the CAFCASS report and the police report
• I've got my ring binder, dividers and notebook ready
• I'm putting some notes down as to the main points I want to bring up (including my position statement)
• I'll shave and have my suit and shoes ready for tomorrow
• I'll (try and) get a good night's sleep
• I'll remember to breathe through everything
• I'll speak slowly
• I'll stay calm, child focused
• I'll be referring to 'our' children and not 'my' children
• It's 'they need' not 'I want'

My list may sound silly but it's what I've been told and read about (checked removed link as well) that will be good to do, to best prepare. Talking to other people and researching online, the FHDRA most probably will look like this:

• Ex's solicitor trying to reach an agreement with myself prior to the court hearing
• If that doesn't work then Applicant and Respondent will be reading out their position statements in front of a judge, magistrates or magistrates' legal advisor 
• Judge/Magistrate/Magistrate's legal advisor will verify if Applicant and Respondent are willing to come to an agreement
• Applicant and Respondent not coming to an agreement
• The court potentially deciding to send Applicant and Respondent to a final hearing

Any words of wisdom or advice before my hearing tomorrow? Or anything else I might face that is not included in my scenario above?

Thanking you all in advance, I appreciate your time.