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Hello everyone,
first time posting here. I am to attend my First Hearing and Dispute Resolution Appointment for our child arrangement order tomorrow.
I am the respondent and I'll be representing myself (litigant in person). Been separated for 4 years now, and our (2) children's care and day-to-day care has been equally split 50/50 between myself and my ex without any court orders. In July 2024 I asked my ex to change the order of days we have the children (not our 50/50 arrangement) as the current schedule was no longer suitable (kids were alternating houses 5-6 times a week and they have been showing signs of emotional distress, so my belief is that it would be more beneficial for them to have at least 2-3 days at each parent's house to settle before moving again, alongside the fact of no disruptions during weekends so we can plan activities). She disagreed with the options I offered. We ended up agreeing in September 2024 to a slight variation of the schedule, but still, the kids were to alternate houses 4-5 times a week. I initiated mediation in November 2024 suggesting a 2/2/3 or a 2/2/5/5 schedule. That would limit house transitions to 2 per week. My ex again did not agree to it. I said we'll have to go through court then since we can't agree. Long story short, she raised a child arrangement order case before I did. Also made allegations towards me which I did not respond to. Got a call from police stating coercive control allegations which were untrue. I requested the police report which I have at hand and shows that there were no prosecutions and it was only a matter of disagreements between myself and the ex around the children's schedule. Her position statement states that she'd like for our current schedule to remain the same and for the court to decide who the children live with. My position statement states that I'm requesting an official shared/joint lives with order and also either a 2/2/3 or 2/2/5/5 schedule to be in place in the kids best interests and wellbeing. CAFCASS interview has been completed and no safeguarding concerns were found.
And here we are.
I've prepared myself as best as I can:
- I've written my 2 page position statement and drafted a parenting plan which I've sent both to the court and my ex's solicitor in advance
- I'm about to go out and print the solicitor's bundle that they've sent me, alongside extra copies of my position statement and parenting plan, the CAFCASS report and the police report
- I've got my ring binder, dividers and notebook ready
- I'm putting some notes down as to the main points I want to bring up (including my position statement)
- I'll shave and have my suit and shoes ready for tomorrow
- I'll (try and) get a good night's sleep
- I'll remember to breathe through everything
- I'll speak slowly
- I'll stay calm, child focused
- I'll be referring to 'our' children and not 'my' children
- It's 'they need' not 'I want'
My list may sound silly but it's what I've been told and read about (checked removed link as well) that will be good to do, to best prepare. Talking to other people and researching online, the FHDRA most probably will look like this:
- Ex's solicitor trying to reach an agreement with myself prior to the court hearing
- If that doesn't work then Applicant and Respondent will be reading out their position statements in front of a judge, magistrates or magistrates' legal advisor
- Judge/Magistrate/Magistrate's legal advisor will verify if Applicant and Respondent are willing to come to an agreement
- Applicant and Respondent not coming to an agreement
- The court potentially deciding to send Applicant and Respondent to a final hearing
Any words of wisdom or advice before my hearing tomorrow? Or anything else I might face that is not included in my scenario above?
Thanking you all in advance, I appreciate your time.
hi,
seems like you are well prepared. if both parents can't agree tomorrow, then judge will make final decision, and both of you have to stick with it. It can be whatever arrangements the judge thinks is in children's best interests. hopefully it will be a stable one. Let us know how you get on.
Hi @dadmod2, thank you for your reply, much appreciate it. Fingers crossed the judge will be able to see through what's in our children's best interests. Given your response, my understanding is that we might not need to attend a final hearing if the judge makes the final decision during our FHDRA?
@odsh it would be up to judge, tomorrow could be final hearing, or they might schedule a 2nd one.
@dadmod2 thanks for checking in. We're heading for a final hearing. I spent more time negotiating with my ex's solicitor, (didn't reach an agreement) than I did in front of the legal justice advisor. We spent 10 minutes in the court room, reiterating that we didn't come to an agreement and were only asked if we agreed for the interim agreement the court put in place (meaning sticking to the current schedule etc for the time being) and if the date for the final hearing worked for both of us. No reading of position statements, no questioning, no nothing.
This was both a relief and frustrating as I spent so much time beforehand in my head building my case and arguments, in case I needed them. At least I went overprepared rather than not prepared at all.
The ex's solicitor told me they don't anticipate cross examination and all that (most probably because our case is so straight-forward, meaning me and the ex can't reach an agreement regarding the kids' schedule, and CAFCASS will no longer be involved-no safeguarding issues).
I now need to prepare a 6 page statement for the final hearing which will be on the 28th August. I'm thinking of asking the court to allow evidence so I can also pass on any type of evidence I can relating to the children.
Would it be wise to get a barrister or at least a McKenzie friend for the final hearing?
@odsh hi, did Cafcass make any recommendations for contact?
seems pretty straightforward. wouldn't recommend barrister. I have been helping dads go through the courts. feel free to get in touch if you need need advice. sending you private message.
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