Hey guys,
This may have been covered in the past - apologies if so. I am not yet a father, fingers crossed, my wife is only about 6 or 7 weeks along, so still have some tricky weeks ahead. What I wanted to get off my chest is my anger issues spilling into fatherhood. I am not a violent person, have never struck anyone at all (including school days) - nor come close. But as a lad I was knocked about quite severely by my dad, and I find myself giving the dog a whack on the rum at times when he gets really bold. Anyway, I have found that work and some life stresses are causing me to get really grumpy, like irrationally - and every day I pray that I wont be like my father, and lay a finger on my child. I would never forgive myself, not even once - but it seems to be something deeply ingrained in me, and it scares me. I have signed up to some therapy - just to try and nip it in the bud. Just wondered if there is anyone that's felt this before after becoming an expectant first time dad.
Again - I want to be clear - I am not a violent man, my wife is in absolutely no danger whatsoever - I just don't want to be the dad my dad was to me.
J.
most people will get angry for example if someone pushes their buttons. its good your taking therapy. theres lot of useful youtube videos out there on anger management.
Hello Jaydog and congratulations on the pregnancy. I know you will get lots of support here.
Thought this article series might help. https://www.dad.info/article/living-with-an-angry-parent
Great you are asking the right questions.
Nell
Hello Jaydog, thank you for having the courage to speak out about how you are feeling. That is a brave thing to do. Acknowledging something painful from your past is a big step into helping you deal with it, and to help you go forwards into a new journey called parenthood !
It’s great that you have signed up to some therapy. It may also help you, if you like writing, to keep a notebook handy and to write each day how you are feeling on a scale of 1-10, 1 being the negative end of the scale and 10 being positive. Use words to describe how you feel. It can help writing thoughts down because they then leave your mind. Also keep communication open with your wife, tell her how you feel, explain how being grumpy and stressed makes you feel more afraid than you want it to. If she’s not aware of your family history, find a time when you are both relaxed when you can open up to her a little more. Have confidence in yourself. You are not your dad, and you are already taking positive steps to laying down good foundations for you and your families future. Fegans is a great organisation with advice on all kinds of family life and so is Care For the Family. Both can be found online.
I wish you and your wife well.
Kind regards,
Fegans Parent Support Volunteer