Hi, I am 52 and I have three kids, aged 2, 4 and 9. My oldest one, a girl, has always been very nice, lovely and of good nature. After the birth of our last child, she is becoming more aggressive with us – particularly her mom - and this is also affecting the way she behaves at school and with her friends. She is becoming very negative about everything (“I cannot do this”) and she is moaning all the time about pretty much everything. She says that she needs more attention from mum (but she has a lot already) and she is treating me as an “enemy” or someone to challenge all the time. My reaction tend to be quite “authoritarian” (“Do what you are told!”), but I know this is not right and it is just a very quick fix.
We are worried that her behaviour could affect her future personality/life and I would like to do as much as I can to help her. Any views/ideas/suggestions? Thank you
Hi there
It’s obvious something is upsetting her, but she’s still quite young to have any insight into what might be causing it.
The fact that her attitude spills over onto her friendships too would suggest that she’s struggling with something pretty difficult. If it was only about attention seeking, I doubt it would overarch all aspects of her life, as its doing now.
I’m assuming that you’ve spoken to the school about the changes in her personality/behaviour? If not, I would suggest that you do, they can help with signposting to other services that might help her.
You might also like to talk to your GP about your concerns and see what they can suggest. You could also think about some family counselling, here’s a link to Relate, they can help families to open up about their feelings and fears and often once it’s out in the open, it’s the first step to finding a solution.
www.relate.org
In the mean time try being a little less authoritarian and let her know that she can talk to you about anything that is worrying her... she might not open up straight away, but if you set a different tone it might help her to relax with you.
Perhaps her mum can arrange some one on one time with her away from home, it doesn’t have to be expensive, just some quality mother daughter time, if she’s feeling insecure this will also help. Some one on one father daughter time might also be good for her.
Best of luck
Is it feasible she is starting puberty - it's certainly feasible at this age?
It would be early for puberty to begin, but not unheard of.
Agree with Mojo - perhaps try to ease off a little and encourage a one to one outing with mum to see if you can get her talking or opening up a bit.
Chatting to school is also a good idea. They might be able to provide some pastoral care or counselling if your daughter is struggling.
Best of luck