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So OK, I made the hard decision to step back from my sons life completely as I detailed elsewhere and I missed my vist on purpose for the first time ever, my parents went as normal. My dad was fired up to 'have a word' and my mum apprehensive as a few days before we had a crappy email from my ex.
Expecting her normal barely concealed hostility my parents were utterly floored by the warmest welcome they have ever had, by far, in 7 years. It was described to me as 'childrens TV presenter friendly', ie VERY weird and unsettling. She was huggy, with my parents which she never is, she was open, ultra chatty and even asked after ME, which is just bizarre ( 7 years of her sitting on the floor pretending we arent there, thinly veiled hostility, open hostilty to me as recently as last week and generally so unwelcoming most people only visit once outside the core family ).
My dad, who is of my family the most tolerant of her awful behaviour, came out of the visit lost for words, he actually said he thinks she has lost her mind because it was a polar opposite of what she normally is like and there appears to be no trigger since they last saw her apart from her sending a hostile email about me, as normal, she said nothing she hasnt said before. The general conclusion was that it was either medication, something illegal or her grip on reality was slipping - sounds cruel when she is suddenly being so nice but usually when someone is so full of hate, they dont flick a switch, do they?
My family are actually more worried than normal about visiting again because they think there is something seriously wrong with her - she also said she had a man moving in, but that has been called into question as she has no man by the name she gave on her facebook page who isnt seemingly happily married which made everyone wonder if she made him up on the fly to try and upset me, but she did have a full backstory. She did however also think my parents were plotting to kidnap my son in 2007 and she repeated that just two months ago so am I wrong to be a little suspicious? Anyone ever experienced someone doing a polar turn on their behaviour without any obvious reason?
Don't take this the wrong way, but could it be that your presence is the trigger for her bad behaviour, and because you weren't there, then she can continue without the need to constantly put you down and be nasty?
If it continues, perhaps it's a way forward where you can keep some contact with your son after all.
She has been equally nasty on months when I was ill or otherwise unable to come so I am not convinced I am much of a trigger in that respect. The way it was described to me doesnt even tally with how she behaved back in the days when we were happily dating, I laughed when they told me, it sounded like a joke.
In which case, sounds like they did indeed just happen to catch her on a rare good day.
Did she have prior warning that you were stepping back and wouldn't be visiting again?
She may be on a high because she thinks she has won! She must have had a purpose in treating you so badly all these years and if that was to drive you away, then she has succeeded... Tyrants become generous in victory!
Has it made you reconsider FoR?
She didnt have a clue I wasnt coming no, she still doesnt know it will be permanant, I made the decision to simply let it be known that I am 'ill' potentially long term which if you consider depression etc an illness is technically true, but my intention is to leave it up to her imagination at this stage.
I am more sure than ever that it isnt a good idea to visit, she wasnt behaving normally in any traditional sense of the word and if she is going to have some kind of breakdown, I dont want to feed it - both her parents and her sibling have all had serious mental health issues in their lives, her sibling is ongoing and I do wonder if there is something 'off' with them genetically.
If you have watched one of those childrens TV presenters, the ones that do toddlers shows, that is how it was described to me, my dad said it could only have got weirder if the Teletubbies appeared in the garden.
...maybe keep a diary and record these observations and anything else that happens from now on....I do think mental health issues can have a genetic link.
It's a good job your parents are continuing their visits as it will provide some insight into any developments. Your son will be wondering where you are but the impact won't be felt as keenly because your parents will continue to fill the gap....at least partly anyway, I'm sure he will be missing you.
If there are issues with her, and if this is the start of some kind of breakdown then he will need as much support as he can get.... And at some point in the future he will need you.
I think the diary is as ever a good idea, my family discuss the visits at length usually as they are often 'interesting' although in the past it was more about whether anyone could recall her making eye contact etc.
I think that at 7 years old he will forget me in short order and should he want to reconnect with me at a later date my parents will have a direct link to me that he can use. I know he is aware of who I am, but his concept of what a father represents isnt the same as a kid who had that parent from birth, then lost them, he has only ever had one parent so his perspective is somewhat different. I am certainly around should he need me though.
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