[Solved] Help needed please

Hi John and welcome 🙂

I'm sorry you are having major problems with your boy...Its very difficult to advise you when I know so little about you or your son but I would guess that he is angry and unhappy. The two people he loves the most are so far apart they cant even talk to one another. Its not easy but I would suggest you and the mother try and resolve your differences just enough to show a united front for the children. If you could both sort this out it would set a good example to him. We set our children examples all the time in the way we conduct ourselves day to day... Have you tried to sit down with him and talk things through? Even when he is being disrespectful you need to engage him in a calm and measured way.

I wish I could be more helpful and I wish you the best of kuck with it all 🙂

Thank you for your advice I have tried this has been going on for 4 years now I totally agree we need to set a good example but unfortunately my hands are tied

Hi rocket,

Wow, sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment. Nannyjane is right both you and your ex need to present a united front. It must have been difficult for your son going through your break up - no matter how much you try to shield them, it will always be painful.

Was it an amicable split ? It can be especially difficult for the kids if their parents resent each other. It may be worth you and your ex sitting down and working out a way forward for the sake of your son. If you don't think this would be possible on your own then it may be worth considering mediation. The two of you may find it easier to sit down and discuss your issues with a professional experienced in helping ex couples come to some agreement.

Why not tell us a bit more about yourself and we may be able to help further. If you're interested in mediation then I can give you some details of a national service that could be of help to you.

Speak soon.

Gooner

Thank you guys we tried mediation my ex wouldn't even come in same room she left early and nothing got solved I'm afraid it was a pain full split she was playing around at the moment I've moved on with my life I would like mediation and have phoned my local mediation place up but they told me it was going to cost a lot of money I firmly believe that the guy who she is with is dictating the situation please help I am at the end of my tether I only want what's best for our children thank you

Hi, 12 year old boys can be difficult, ive gone through it 5 times, Ive also got experiance of seeing how 2 exs that do not speak effect the children(my hubby and is ex) all i can say is when the kids get older and are more independent its a lot better.
I think right now it would be good to have some one to one time with your son, is he involved in a sport, all my sons went to a martial arts class, it taught them self control and how to manger anger and vent it in a different way. your sons hormones are now kicking in and he growing up. He properbly resents the new man in his mums life and wants you there but he needs to understand thats not going to happen and even though you are not together you both love him. I wouldnt go for joint access you nearly have it anyway. Do not ask him questions about your ex or her partner , Its your time with your children. why did your son punch you in the face what made him so angry to do that, and what did you do

Thank u u r right if he doesn't want to do something he just doesn't do it I tried taking everything of him console mobile etc doesn't seem to work he was with me at the time and because he didn't want his hair cut he refused to get out of car I eventually got him out with his arm which he turned round and threw 2 punches at me and ran of to his mothers he used to play football which he gave up I tried to get him to go to boxing karate judo just uninterested I feel such a failure I'm trying best but just doesn't seem to be good enough thanks guys

Hi, you are not a failure, its just kids can push you to your limits. why didnt he want his hair cut, was he just being mardy. He is trapped in a boys body but his brain is telling him to grow up and be a man, hes only seeing how far he can push you and boy they can push. He will come out of this ok you just have to take it with a pinch of salt , the more you push him the more he will resist and the battle will commence. my son once wouldnt get out of bed to go to school, i was really late for work , i dragged him he just laughed at me, i throw a cup of water on him he just sat there (he was 14) in the end i left him and rang the school and told them, the next day his drama teacher came round to have a chat, he was so shocked to see him, I dont know what he said to him but he went to school.
when kids are growing up they need to be given the choice and be talked to like grown ups. Trust me having boys is heaven when they get to this stage compared to girls