[Solved] Is smacking legal in the UK?

I have a mate who reckons it is ok to smack his kids - I thought this was illegal here?

I don't know the precise wording of the law, and IANAL, but I'm pretty sure it is still perfectly legal to smack your kids. Of course, it is not legal to be violent towards them, but I shouldn't need to say that!

From my own point of view, I've decided not to smack my kids. I don't 100% trust myself to have enough self-control to be able to administer a smack and ensure I never hit too hard or out of anger.

Having said that, I got a few smacks when I was younger (from my mother, admittedly), and I thoroughly deserved all of them 😯 And none of my children are particularly badly behaved, so I am not an expert in this area. Overall I reckon smacking is ok if done correctly, but the ideal is to be able to discipline children without needing to. But I'm open to other views.

The biggest rule for me has been not to back myself into a corner in the first place 😀 .

This is easier said than done, because in the heat of the moment you have to think of a way out of the situation - but I am surprised by the number of times that does happen. Suffice to say, that is not always the case... 🙁

To answer the original poster, "Sorry I don't know."

That said, I have smacked each of my three (21, 17 & 6) not at all often and only once very gently with the youngest who was so mortified that she'll never go there again.

They each now get, what my 17 year old say says is, 'the look'. Essentially it says go further and you KNOW there will be consequences...

At risk of starting a much wider debate, for me, respect is based on a very low level of what I term fear (but probably really mean 'unpleasent consequences) and smacking (or even the possibility) is a valid tool in that kit whether it's legal (or PC) or not.

My wife (mum to #3) would never dream of smacking her but does very very occasionally loose her rag and shout. I've seen the impact this has on our daughter and for me it looks far worse as its never predictable so she doesn't see it coming. A smack however is a last resort which she now realises she has some control over i.e. don't go way past 'the mark' and suffer the consequences. As Batman says it sure helps if you don't get backed into that corner but no one should be afraid to use all the tools at your disposal - appropriately!!!
David

Ok I checked this one out with our Legal Partners the childrens legal centre website and this is what I found.

It is unlawful for a parent or carer to smack their child, except where this amounts to reasonable punishment’. This defence is laid down in section 58 of the Children Act 2004, but it is not defined in this legislation. Whether a ‘smack’ amounts to reasonable punishment
will depend on the circumstances of each case taking into consideration factors like the age of the child and the nature of the smack.
However, physical punishment will be considered "unreasonable" if it leaves a mark on the child or if the child is hit with an implement such as a cane or a belt.
There are strict guidelines covering the use of reasonable punishment and it will not be possible to rely on the defence if you use severe physical punishment on your child which amounts to common assault or battery.

The Childrens legal centre have all sorts of useful legal fact sheets and downloads - available here

Gooner

My wife is on maternity leave 2nd time around. Our 1st daughter has just turned 3. My concern is my wife has a short fuse & is extremely firey (complete opposite to me). Our daughter seems to have developed similar characteristics to her Mummy which would be expected. However, off late our daughter is becoming an increasing hand full & "Mummy" is struggling to control the kiddy tantrums (they both thrive on controlling situations). I get calls at work that she can't cope anymore & "Daddy" often returns home after work to pick up the pieces / defuse the problems.

So to the point when ever the little one steps out of line, no matter how trivial, Mummy has to shout, really shout, to get her point across; and as a last resort smacking comes into play (I've heard this over the phone before, so it must have been a hard connection for me to clearly hear it). My wife has said at times she's gonna "batter" her & I worry for our daughter, not only to be scarred physically & mentally but also she'll pick up on this behaviour and it may be instilled into her character & thinks it's normal to behave this way.

I know it's just words & my wife's bark is worse than her bite but still I fear she may take it too far. I've tried to tell her to approach in a calm / civil manner. And surely all kids go through these stages in growing up & it's also the parents that have alot to learn.

Thanks for listening. I needed to get it off my chest and would appreciate anyones thoughts.

Hi Richie

I'm sorry you are worried about this situation and I can understand your concerns. The problem of shouting is often complicated by the fact that the parent who shouts probably had parents who shouted too. We tend to mimic out parents' parenting style even if it wasn't a very effective one.

Instead of shouting your wife needs to calmly offer choices to your daughter instead, of course they have to be acceptable choices to your wife. For example the choice might be something like "Would you like to have your bath before you watch television or after?" Your daughter still has to have a bath but the choice gives her a sense of control.

Reasoned and well thought-out choices offered by parents help children to develop good judgement and a sense of control over their own lives which results in there being less need to be defiant. Less defiance from a child goes a long way to reducing parental anger.

You can get more advice about how to handle this through Family Lives who you can call for free on 0808 800 2222, www.familylives.org.uk

I hope this helps.