[Solved] Sudden onset of terrible 3's?? Help.

Hi there

Welcome to the Dadtalk website. I hope you will find the advice and input from other dads helpful.

It sounds as though you have your hands full at the moment. Your daughter's behaviour is clearly proving to be quite a challenge. It’s understandable that you feel concerned. Some of it may simply be due to tiredness and irritability.

Try to ignore your daughter's behaviour when at all possible. You may also find it helpful to try and distract her if it looks as though something has happened that will cause her to react negatively, or even try to get over things by bringing some fun into a situation.

Try to focus on what she is doing well/right and remember to give her plenty of hugs, praise and encouragement, particularly as a reward for good behaviour.

It may help to offer choices, i.e. if for instance she is putting her clothes/pyjames on or off to say something like, what do you want to do first, brush your teeth or put your clothes on, that kind of thing. It will give her a feeling of being a little in control. Not easy I know from my own experience.

If you are feeling a isolated, you can call Family Lives (formerly known as Parentline Plus). You can call them 24/7 on their free helpline for advice on all aspects of raising children, whatever their age. Their number is 0800 808 2222, http://www.familylives.org.uk

Try not to worry too much, it sounds as if you are doing a great job. I hope this helps.

Hi, just to reassure you, it happens a lot. We have 4 kids (3 girls) and at least 2 of our girls have been similar to that (strong-willed). What has helped for us is to ignore their bad behaviour and only give them attention when they are being good. Saying that, certain bad behaviour can't go unpunished afterwards.

And the biggest and most important thing for us has been consistency. Its so easy when we're tired to just give in and thats when they think that bad behaviour will get them somewhere. And then it goes on and on. It has to be said that my wife has been much more consistent than me.

Hi blackcattheory,
Well done for posting!!
We've got a little 3 yr old. If it might help I can tell you bits that help us...
Tears before her nap, sobbing at bedtime. Not that video, I want that one etc. Emotional at times in the day because she has to share things and doesn't get her own way.
I sometimes make her cry when I tickle too long, or make her fly around the room, or trip over her.
Sometimes I think it is important to let her know what's going on... so when she doesn't get her way and is stroppy/crying I might say "I can see you're angry.... lets do your nappy first and then we can do dolly's nappy after."
With our little one I think she benefits from knowing that she can't get me to let her have everything she wants. So I am very clear that when it is bedtime I mean its bedtime... I have learnt not to say 'its time for bed off we go'. She gets on better when I say "in a minute i'll check your nappy, then you can sit on your bed. Shall we go and find teddy first?"

I don't think you said how often or long your daughter is at nursery. I certainly know that friends have commented how drained their little ones were when the nursery let them increase the number of mornings, or changing to some full days. For them things improved after a while... i think it was a bit more than half a term.

Also, you mentioned her boldness and assertiveness. I think there is a bit of give and take here... She needs me to be clear/secure/definite about my actions so she can relax. But sometimes I don't always communicate in a way that helps her. I find many of my quick over reactions, or misunderstanding of situations, or jumping in with 2 lead boots - can be the thing that topples her into an emotional outburst.
Equally, when stroppy/assertive, she can see that I'm not phased by her expressing her frustration, anger, upset - and sees that those strong emotions from her are not too much for me. She see's I cope. That definitely gives her the security to let her emotions flow.

I ohpe a bit of that was useful. Keep posting.
/orange

Thanks very much folks.

Mr Orange - we are currently doing 4 part-days at nursery. Also, due to the necessity of getting a foot in at the primary school she is going to be attended coupled with our desire to keep our child-minder retained we are splitting her sessions between two nurseries.

At first we thought this might be a plus, but I am starting to feel that is too much variance/too draining. Perhaps just a flat out mistake.

I spoke with The Missus last night about switching to just using the nursery where she is going to go to primary school. My Daughter prefers it anyway as it is smaller, in the country (close to where we live) and seems a bit more fun.

Just making it up as I go along really!

Thanks again for the responses.

Just making it up as I go along really!

We all are mate!

I remember when we returned back from the USA from living there for 3 yrs, our 4 yr old son was offered a place at our local school to start 'tomorrow'. We'd only been back in the UK for a week and we thought it best for him to start. Anyway, BAD MOVE! Bless his heart. He was so disoriented he cried for days. It almost makes me cry thinking about it.
BUT...we learn from our mistakes and try not to make the same one twice.

Hi there my fellow dad,
As a father of a 2 an a half year old that is very bright and asertive yet she goes into a strop at the drop of a hat.as soon as she opens her eyes she starts being mishchieviest all i can say it all could just be that its all new to her.Plus she will be finding were she fits in in the structure of the nursery.
We all know that in life there is a structure and i feel that kids that are young feel this more as they are growing all the time her little brain is computing things at a speed is hard to explain.maybe the best thing is to try an ignore these strops if plausable,yet if not then id feel that a chat to the nursery is in order just to see if there is any thing that should be picked up on .Maybe she is copying things she is seeing at the nursery but they are alien to her as she not see this before.I have a feeeling that she will grow out of it the more she starts to nderstand things........................

I read recently something that I think expertly explains why our toddlers have tantrums. It went like this...

A baby cries and someone is there to feed them. They cry and someone is there to change them. They cry and someone is there to hold them. The parents fulfill the role as caretakers, so naturally, albeit flawed, the baby believes he is at the centre of the universe and that parents exist solely to do his bidding. For more than a year, that has been our children's reality. In a way, they are monarch of an empire populated by big people who were put here to serve him.

However, at about age 2, the parents shift roles from caretaker to instructor. The baby becomes aware that the parents are not following his lead, instead he is being expected to follow theirs. His monarchy has been overthrown and sometimes they don't take well to the new regime. Frustrated, they attempt to hold their ground.

i thought that was just a brilliant way of explaining why our children sometimes have behavioural changes.

It went on to make the point that at about this age, our children suddenly become aware of good and bad, right and wrong and feelings and emotions such as pride, shame, guilt & embarassment. It's no wonder that sometimes they become a little irritated. It's how we deal with them as parents that holds the key to coping. Mainly, we need to be consistent. If our children know that no means no, and that if a certain type of behaviour is wrong today, it will always be wrong, they will learn the boundaries and gradually the tantrums will stop. Not easy when you've had a tough day at work but it's what our kids need