Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Morning
I currently pay more child support each month than I need to for 4 month old baby as he has started overnights with me.
Myself and mother were never together, he came from a one night stand but I promised I’d stand by depending he was mine after a paternity test which he is.
His mum is going back to work January and has today brought up that we will need a discussion about nursery then and fees involved, just shy of £1k per month.
Due to my job being flexible I said there would be no need for that as I can have him during week and do split shifts, she refused this saying it would be best for him to go to nursery for development, I said he can still go but let me have him 2 days or something which she didn’t agree on.
Now I skirted around her discussion about fees, am I right in saying because I give child support each month, worked out via calculator and not court order, that I am not obliged to pay “extra” for child care?
if she is expecting 50/50 on 1k per month then I’ll be in financial ruin and end up in the red every month.
Just an update that she just came out and asked straight up for me to contribute (£500 p/m) which on top of CM payments comes close to £800 p/m.
I said I can’t contribute that amount and she flew off the handle saying forget it and she will deal with it.
I feel bad but I just can’t afford it, it’s paying someone to look after my own child when I can do it myself.
Am I obliged to do this?
Hi,
If your paying via CMS then that monthly payment supports the resident parent with childcare costs. So no your not obliged to pay anything over that amount. If you want to voluntarily pay more, then up to you.
@bill337 Thank you, we are doing it all out of court and that’s been fine so does that still cover it?
There is no way I can pay the extra £500 she is requesting, I’m already struggling now as it is and paying more than I should each month.
I offered to have him one or 2 days to decrease the costs but she says he needs an education… he will be 9 months old by that time. Jesus Christ
As bill says, the CM payment covers everything, so if she want's to use a nursery, then that is covered. Hopefully, she might realise that by allowing you to have a couple of days a week, it will reduce her payments to the nursery.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
