Since my last post around 18 months ago I have managed to secure a 50/50 arrangement and now see my daughter week on week off. My daughter (who will be 10 this year) started asking why I saw her less than her mother and that she thought it was unfair we didn't see eachother for equal amounts of time. Her mother lives 5 mins up the road from me. Well, it took about 9 months of soft negotiation to finally get equal access to my daughter and I have to say I am thrilled. It gives her a stable environment on both sides and for the first time since our separation I will finally be able to afford to take her to Europe for a week long holiday later this summer. So what changed? I did!
Instead of acting like a victim I decided to put HER first, front and centre and make her the focus of my efforts. Not monetary gain, not trying to salvage my bruised and battered ego, not trying to "get even". I got my ducks in a row and went all in. I fought with my employer to get a level of flexibility that would allow for the proposed 50/50 arrangement. That took 7 months due to them not wanting to be flexible. Amazing how companies can wax lyrical about giving a hoot but delivering very little for you when your chips are down. A little bit of reverse psychology and hey presto, boss with egg on her face and HR calling to congratulate me, my change has now been signed off as a permanent change to my contract of employment. When you focus on people for the right reasons good things can happen. It helped my cause that my daughter is on the autistic spectrum, high functioning for anyone who's a stickler for details, and that aided my case massively, but I never used it as an excuse. I used it as the reason!
As I said in my original post, CMS payments are not a life sentence, but they can feel excruciating and never ending at the time. The system is unfairly stacked in favour of the mother. It needs a massive overhaul to bring it in line with modern standards. I do suspect I supplemented my ex's lifestyle but that is over now. I have my daughter with me and I know that any court in the land would be very cautious about changing her environment again on little more than hear-say.
Stay strong Gentlemen, continue to pitch up for the kids who depend on you and keep makin' memories with them. They are why we do what we do.
PMTB - Over and Out.
@passmetheball Awesome post and result, and the way you did it. You and your daughter are rightly deserving of what you have achieved. Thank you for posting this.