[Solved] Clean break order vs maintenance payments

Hi Charles and welcome.

I have had a quick google of your question and I get the impression that the answer is no, Child Maintenance is not included in a Clean Break Consent Order. You could agree a Clean Break Order but not with the understanding that you would not pursue her for maintenance.

This from findlaw.co.uk ~ "Spousal maintenance overview"

A Clean Break Order ends all claims the parties may have against each other on all financial matters except child maintenance and aims to make the parties financially independent.

Divorceaid says the same.... www.divorceaid.co.uk/financial/settlement.htm

I think you should get further clarification, possibly from the Citizens Advice Bureau who have a legal department or a solicitor, but that does incur cost.

Hi Charles

I know you said that you don't want a penny from her, but I'd suggest you reconsider - your ex presumably now thinks she will come off worse if she proceeds.

I would suggest that you consider saying that you will give a clean break agreement and agree not to persue her for maintenance on the condition that she sets up a regular payment into a savings account of some kind (ISA for instance) for the benefit of your son - you may not want the money, but that could usefully be put towards his education, first car, deposit on property etc when he's older, and because it's for his benefit, she can't throw it back at you. You would need to make sure that the money is secure and she can't have access to it.

Hi again. Thank you acdt and NannyJane for your input. It is most helpful.

It's been a long haul throughout. There is far more to the situation than I first explained in my first message.

My ex was violent, both verbally and physically to me. She seemed to blame me for her affairs, and the lies she has told about me are despicable. I never cheated in my marriage. I believe in marriage vows. I turned a blind eye to most things, but when the violence started just after she left, I just could not understand why. She would turn up on the doorstep and start screaming and punching at me in front of our son, and when I shut the door on her she would sit outside in her car and blare the horn until I went out and told her to shut up and go.

A year after the divorce, I met my first love from 1969 (she is 58), and we have set up home together, blissfully happy. Then the violence from my ex took to another level. She attacked my partner, attacked me and punched me around the head with her mobile phone, cracking the plastic cover, it was so hard. I suffer from epilepsy, and this caused a seizure 24 hours later where I was admitted to hospital. This was the end, so I applied for a non-molestation order on her which runs until Aug 2013. Due to this order, she is not allowed to contact me nor my partner, nor is her partner allowed to either.

After I got back together with my partner, the nastiness also took to another level, hence the solicitors letters demanding the most ridiculous things. As she left stuff in the house (tea towels etc, she wants my partner to pay 'rent' for using them. My partner has all her own items here and we packed all the ex's stuff away as she didnt want it back, but its still all such nonsense which still causes her to keep spending money on solicitors letters which could be put towards our son. We live in rented accommodation so she has no say on who lives here as her name was taken off the house when she left, which was her idea.

The ISA is a good idea, but sadly she would never do it. She is just not made to be a mother. I know the law states she is, but she would much rather be seen around in her sports car, posing and cruising, than meeting up with our son, even for five minutes a day. She lives half a mile away, by the way, so there is no excuse.

She favours her 19 year old daughter, who is not mine but I treated her as my own since the age of 2 months. She has now left home to a flat of her own, but my ex has told her so many lies she does not speak to me anymore and shuns her brother. My ex shows so much love to our daughter but not our son, and in the solictors letters, the children are referred to as 'her daughter and my son', which basically shows just what she is like. She has no maternal instinct to him whatsoever, so you can see where I am coming from. Thanks again, Charles.

...You really have been through the mill, Charles and I feel that your son is better off without her. If she can use that kind of violence on you, then she can't be trusted not to do the same to him. Do they have any contact at the moment?

I think the Clean Break Order could be a good thing if it severs all ties with her and draws a line... You have moved on and I'm so glad that you have found happiness at last.

If I were you I would keep a record of all conversations with your ex, either by phone, text or email, with dates and times, and dont delete anything. Obviously keep all correspondence from her solicitors. Also keep a note of the dates and length of time she spends with her son, if any. If in the future she starts to cause problems again, you have a record to hand, and it could prove helpful...

Actds suggestion about the ISA is a good idea, as you say, what a pity you dont think its workable. However, I do think she should be making a contribution to her son, and if she wont give freely, then I think you should think about asking the CSA to negotiate for you. Any money you receive can then be paid into an ISA account for your sons future anyway.

I wish you luck with everything and if you need advice, support or just somewhere to vent, we are here for you!

Thanks NannyJane. Yes, it's been a long hard slog but I can now see light at the end of the tunnel. I did not think, all those years ago when I married her, that things would turn out so awful. I know there are thousands of men out there like myself but when I was at my lowest, pacing the landing when she didn't come home until 6am, I thought I was the only one in the world going through it. I tried my hardest to hold it together, but on Valentines Day 2010, she left our home at 7pm with a bottle of champagne, two glasses and sexy black silk underwear in her bag, blatently packing it in front of me, me stupidly pleading for her not to go. But she just laughed in my face and went, returning the next morning, leaving the underwear in her bag, dumped in the hallway for me to see.

I am ex forces. I served my Queen and country for 20 years in the Royal Military Police, four of those in northern Ireland, front line on [censored] Sunday ('72) and two years in the SAS. I have seen the most horrific results of car bombs, murders, and all the rest that goes with war, but nothing compared to the pain of what she put me through in those last months. She was leaving the house at 4am each morning to meet her lover, sitting outside our house having [censored] with him in his truck. Why did I put up with it you are probably asking. I was brought up to believe that marriage is sacred and we stay together until the end, but this woman done everything possible to change my mind about that.

When I told her to leave, she thought I would never do it. That's when the nastiness started from her. Every day she would turn up out of the blue, screaming at me and abusing me. I never fought back, I was taught not to. I have never hit a woman and never would do. I took everything she came at me with. I really cannot understand where this all came from. It was her who had the affairs, her who belittled me, her who flaunted the last affair and her who decided to go and live with him. As she walked out of this door, she walked into his rented flat. (His wife kicked him out when she found out about this sixth and final affair). Not even a week on her own to get used to the idea of being a 'single' woman again. After a week of her living with him, I then had to put up with him shouting abuse at me in the street, with her standing behind him, laughing. I walked away each time, but the words that came out of his mouth were all lies that she had told him about me. If I was that bad, why did she decide to let me have sole custody of the children!

We are not allowed contact, due to the non-molestation order, but her partner has even phoned my partner, screaming abuse at her. We then had them both arrested, and it went quiet for a month. Then the solicitors letters started coming, hence where we are today. A pal of mine said it's tantamount to harassment now, which it [censored] well seems like sometimes.

Over the last few months, we have seen her shopping in the local supermarket, piling her trolley with cases of beer for her partner. She doesn't drink (well she didn't when we were married), so they are obviously for him. I have been told by neighbours that he spends much of his time in the local pubs and drinks heavily at home. My partner says that's probably part of the reason for her nastiness. She thought the grass was greener on the other side, sadly she has now found out it isn't, living with someone who prefers being in the pub to being with his partner. If she were that happy, maybe all this would never had happened.

We cant move at the moment as our son is only 13 and still has three years left at school, and my small gardening business is built up around this area, so I am hoping that as soon as this clean break order is put in, she will then go away. I know I have the upper hand now. If she even contemplates any more verbal or physical abuse, I will be straight on to the CSA. She has no idea that the Order does not cover child maintenance, and I want to keep it that way. 😉

There.... I've vented. :woohoo: :boohoo: :woohoo:
Charles 🙂

Hey Charles...Its good to vent!

Thanks for sharing your story with us, I doubt that was easy, especially with your military background.... stiff upper lip and all that!
You spoke eloquently and from the heart and you have my utmost repect.

For all the [censored] she put you through you have something wonderful to show for it, your son....and I'm quite sure if you had to go through it all again to have your boy, you would.

It sounds as if your ex made wrong choices in the past and is still making wrong choices now...she is in a downward spiral of her own making...She's nasty and bitter and it will consume her. You have every right to hate her, but I get the feeling you dont, your'e too nice a man! Besides bitterness is so self-destructive!

You've regained control of your life and as you say you have the upperhand now! Good job well done I say!

Life breaks us all but in the end we are stronger in the broken places...

Take care Charles and dont be a stranger! 🙂

Ok sorry, probably bored you all. Thanks for the info anyway. I did vent, but maybe it was too much too soon. Thanks again. Charles.

[censored] sorry! it just typed the reply in below and saw your reply Nanny Jane! Blast, I feel a fool now. Please ignore my reply as I dont know how to delete it. Thank you .

Hi Charles 🙂

Its nice to see you back! You certainly havent bored me....getting something off your chest is never too much or too soon.

I hope things are going ok with you and your son. Dont lose heart... 🙂

...You had me a little worried there, I was just about to send you a private message to make sure you were ok!
No harm done eh! 🙂

How are things going?