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I have a court order that gives my kids access to see me for two nights per week.
I pay CSA money but what does this cover?
I take the kids to school and have to give them dinner money......is this right or should their mother provide it?
Sorry, normally I wouldn't care and just get on with it but my ex is playing games and I've got to the stage where I have to dig in.
What about if the kids ask for clothes.........do I tell the CSA or what?
I used to be a central part of my kids' lives but now I feel that all I do is hand over money and am "allowed" at times to see my kids - kids that I looked after full-time when their mother was having her affair.
The maintenance you pay to the CSA should cover absolutely everything. The problem (faced by a lot of NRPs) is that if the parent with care doesn't provide, then what exactly can you do - the CSA will not take any account of money paid for other items, or even necessities, so you are left with trying to bluff it out with your ex, which is fine to some extent, but not if your kids are the ones who are going to suffer. Someone did mention a while back - I can't remember if it was in this context - of suing through the small claims court. It would be an extreme step and I wouldn't hold out a great hope of success, but it may be an option to consider.
I contacted the CSA before and they didn't want to know. As you said, the maintenance is meant to pay for everything (she decided to go down that route; my proposal was joint custody and joint bills).
She refuses to agree and she believes that I should be paying the kid's dinner money.
It just ends up that the kids get dragged into the mess.
The CSA are very quick to take money from me but they don't want to know about the court order that I have and the money that I give above and beyond.
Hi dad5.
Thank you for your post. I am William the Child Maintenance Options consultant.
Child maintenance is a contribution towards the cost of bringing up your children and this includes not only such items as food and clothing but also it is a contribution towards the home that your children live in and the associated costs of running that home. As your child maintenance is paid to your children's mother, it is therefore controlled by her to determine your children's needs. Under the law as currently drafted, the Child Support Agency (CSA) cannot intervene in this matter.
CSA will only ask you to pay the amount that they have calculated. Any extras that you pay for, as actd has said, are purely voluntary on your part.
It does sound like it is quite a difficult situation. If you are unable to negotiate with your children's mother about these extra payments, it may be that mediation could help with the negotiation process.
National family Mediation is a network of local not-for-profit family mediation services in England and Wales which offer help to couples, married or unmarried. Their contact details are:
Telephone: 0300 4000 636
Opening: Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm
Website: http://www.nfm.org.uk
There is also a new web application, sorting out separation. It aims to make it much easier for separated parents to find the support they need, when and where they need it, and encourages parents to collaborate on a range of issues. The link is: http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation
I fear for this kind of situation. I won't mind paying the odd amounts every now and then but not mandatory regular payments on top of csa and still make the kids comfortable at your place.
Such steps might include going self employed, self assessment tax, paying more into pension (more for the future)
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
