[Solved] HELP

Firstly, do you know why she has stopped you seeing your daughter, and is there any chance you can sort this out? If not, then it may be worth looking at mediation to see if there is any way forward.

At the moment, I would guess that the CSA are not involved. so morally, you are providing for your daughter to some extent. However, if your ex goes to the CSA, then you will be legally bound to pay maintenance to your ex, and clothes/milk will not be taken into account, and the payments are calculated from the time when your ex opens the case with the CSA, which may be a while before you hear from them, so you could find yourself in arrears. You need to be putting 15% of your takehome pay aside now to cover yourself for when they do contact you, and if you do make any payments in the future, make sure that it is clear that it is for child maintenance - ideally as a reference on a bank transfer, but if you pay her cash, then get a receipt each time stating it is for child maintenance. otherwise the CSA will probably disregard these payments.

However, maintenance and contact are separate issues and you cannot stop paying maintenance if you have been ordered to do so, simply because she has prevented contact. As I said above, ideally you need to sort this out or go to mediation, but if not, then you will need to go for a contact order - take a look at yoji's guide to representing yourself at the top of the legal section, that should give you a good starting point

Thank you, I text her today to see if the stuff had arrived and she sent it back saying I'm not providing for her int he way of electric bills andwAtwater rates. Every payment I've made is named child maintenance on bank statements so she can't say I'm not providing. Also there is no way of sorting the out between us as she is really stubborn and spiteful. Should I send her the change from the shopping and send the stuff back out or pay the ful 200

Also the earliest appointment I could get with a solicitor was 3rd January which I arranged before Xmas, I told her this and she didn't reply when I asked if I could see my daughter over Xmas. The reason stopped me was because I was bad and so was my daughter so I didnt go and see her a couple of times as to not risk making her even worse. She told me I'm a bad father for not seeing her, I explained the situation but she had none of it and stopped me

Your ex is correct in that child maintenance is there to cover all aspects of supporting children, which does include household bills. I would check the CSA calculator to see what they would expect (basically 15% of takehome less possible deductibles) and pay this directly to her, continuing to state child maintenance on the payments, and then see if she is prepared to go to mediation.

Hi Liam,

Ok first of all in the eyes of the law - maintenance and access are two totally different things, not connected at all. However that said, you are providing for your daughter. I guess, as has actd that the CSA is not involved and that the £200 was a private agreement between you and your ex?

No matter what has gone on in the past between you and the ex, It will be far simpler if the two of you can work things out between yourselves in a civil manner, the courts and CSA are just added complications. My honest advice would be to try to come to an agreement for maintenance and access between yourselves. I would personally try mediation. This is where a trained mediator will sit in on meetings between the two of you and try to help you both come to an agreement. Try www.nfm.org.uk.

If the CSA or CMEC, as they are now known, do get involved, you will have to pay a fixed amount based on your wages directly to the mother. Maintenance is supposed to be to cover the cost of raising your child so paying the money into your daughters account won't be accepted as maintenance, neither will buying items and giving them to your ex.

Trust me, in the long term if you can get mediation to work - it will be far cheaper financially than battling through the courts and far better for your daughter if you and your ex are able to find a way of parenting together( while apart).

I hope this is of some help.

Gooner