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I have been divorced from my children's mother for over 3 years but I have to do all the picking up and dropping off even if they are not at their mothers home. In addition I pay a large monthly figure but the children are in clothes too small and shoes too small. Can I buy school shoes and hold the cost back from a monthly payment?
Hi there
I'm afraid both of the problems that you have mentioned are quite common, if you have a look around you will see other posts on these subjects.
My son has residence and he has to do all the running around and dropping off, just because he is mobile! Even before he had residence, this was still the case! If he wanted to see his son he had to grin and bear it, and now he does it because its saves all the arguing!
The clothes situation is also something my son experienced. You could try talking to the mother about it, but if that doesnt work you could have clothes and shoes that you keep and then change the children into when you have them. We bought my grandson clothes and shoes often, but we would send them home with him, and they were then never to be seen again. School shoes are different I would just bite the bullet and buy them. Its inadvisable to deduct the cost from the maintenance payment, but you could threaten to do that if the situation isnt addressed....she may then decide to go out and buy some!
Perhaps you could ask her if she would find it easier if you took over the buying of clothes and shoes for the children, and see if you could then negotiate a reduction in payment... I doubt she would agree but it might make her realize that you're serious about doing something about it. If the payment is an informal agreement and not through the CSA, you would have more power over it.
To pick up on NannyJane's point - if you are paying through the CSA, then don't even consider withholding any maintenance as being in arrears isn't worth what they can legally put you through. If it's an informal agreement, then you have the option to withhold money, but I'd look at the CSA calculator first on the basis that your ex may well go that route - if you are paying more, then you have nothing to lose by withholding, if you are paying less, then you are lucky in that respect and you could use what you are paying under the CSA amount to pay for clothes etc.
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