Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I am rapidly approaching my wits end with my ex wife over maintenance agreements. We made an amicable agreement based on affordability when we separated and now the divorce is finalised she wants to change the agreement. My issue is that I cant afford to.
I moved to London from Leeds to take a new job after we separated and have lived here for 8 months now. I have to pay to travel north and have to pay for hotels to spend time with the kids as have no one I can stay with when visiting which costs me about £150 per trip on top of my maintenance agreement.
My issue is that she wants me to see the kids more and pay more maintenance. I already pay almost 1/3 of my salary between maintenance and visits with the rest taken up by living costs which leaves almost nothing for me at all. I spoke to CSA today to see what I should pay and they told me a figure which is about 1/3 more than i currently pay but do not take into consideration any of my personal circumstances which it says they would in your advice section.
My ex is not a very nice person and I get an abusive email or text usually once a month saying I am an unfit father and may as well not bother seeing then or I am not paying enough or not seeing them enough but generally both and am now approaching the end of my rope. As far as I can see I have no rights, no life and live solely to keep her in a lifestyle she was accustomed to when we were still together.
I cant understand why my cost of living is not taken into consideration? as it stands i struggle every month to pay my bills and honour my commitments to my children via maintenance and visits but this is still apparently not enough. Increasing my payments or increasing my visits will make it that i cant afford to live so would have to give up my job as there is nothing else I can cut to make life more affordable. I am not even sure this all makes sense and really have only written this in an attempt to see if i am being unreasonable. thanks for reading this and any advice that can be offered would be greatly received.
thank you
Unfortunately the CSA don't take your outgoings into account, or any income your ex is generating. I agree that it is unbalanced and often unfair.
The CSA do make a reduction for travelling expenses and this may help a little. If you google the CSA calculator and input your details you can check the figure the CSA quoted is right.
I'm sorry that I cannot offer you any concrete help, it would be best if you could try and renegotiate and agree maintenance between yourselves.
Hi Bherscy76
Thank you for your post. I am William the Child Maintenance Options consultant. The Child Maintenance Service works out child maintenance payments using a set formula, which is based on your income. Other factors are taken into account (including the number of children that need child maintenance, and if you live with any other children). If you were to make a new application this would be to the Child Maintenance Service not the Child Support Agency (CSA).
The Government plans to introduce costs for using the Child Maintenance Services at some point in the future. There will be three types of costs:
Application fee
Fees for collecting and paying out child maintenance payments
Enforcement charges for paying parents who do not pay.
We do not know the exact amount of these costs yet or when they might be introduced as they still need to be approved by Parliament but the Child Maintenance Service will write to everyone with a case to confirm the exact amounts at least a month before they come in.
You are avoiding costs by making your own family-based arrangements with your child's other parent. If you try it and it does not work out, you can still apply to the Child Maintenance Service at any stage.
If you were to use the services of the Child Maintenance Service, then they can take into account reasonable travelling expenses. However, with you having a family-based arrangement already in place, your travelling costs would need to be agreed between yourself and your ex-wife. This is where you and your ex-wife can agree who will provide what for your children. It can include money and other kinds of support, for example providing clothing. There are no strict rules or formulas that you have to stick to when calculating your payments. Family-based arrangements are not legally binding, however, they can be quick, easy and flexible to change as your children grow.
Alternatively, both you and your ex-wife may wish to discuss any issues surrounding your arrangement to keep it on track. This can be done without involving anyone else, or with the help of friends, family, Child Maintenance Options' guides or a professional mediator. You may wish to look at the following link: http://find-legal-advice.justice.gov.uk/ in order to find a mediator in your area.
If you or your ex-wife's circumstances change over time, remember to review together and update your arrangement. Collaborating to make and keep a child maintenance arrangement is better for your children.
We have useful tools and guides on our website like our family-based arrangement form that is not a legally enforceable document but may put your agreement on a more formal basis. You may also find our child maintenance decision guide: Talking about money helpful. It can help you to work with your ex-wife to agree a suitable arrangement between yourselves. You can print out a copy of these leaflets at www.cmoptions.org.
You may also wish to use our online calculator via the following link: http://www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/ to see how much maintenance you may be requested to pay if you were to use the services of the Child Maintenance Service. You can use this estimated figure as a starting point to renegotiate your family-based arrangement.
There is a Sorting out separation web-app on this website at http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation that you may find useful as it offers help and support to separated families.
To find out more about how Child Maintenance Options can help you visit www.cmoptions.org or call us free on 0800 988 0988 between 8am and 8pm Monday to Friday or 9am and 4pm on Saturday.
I hope this helps.
William
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
