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Hi everyone
I am a dad to 2 children aged 13 and 16yrs.
My son lives with me 9 out of 14 nights and my daughter 7 out of 14 nights.
I currently receive the child benefit for my son and their mother receives the child benefit for my daughter.
Despite an official 50/50 split in place for my daughter she does actually spend more nights with me than her mother over the year as she does most of her homework with me and needs my help more, alongside staying at mine as her mother goes out sometimes and leaves her with me.
HMRC have said that despite me paying for all school trips/ uniform/ pocket money/ parties/ extra curricular lessons etc and she does in fact stay with me more, they cannot take away the child benefit from her mother and give to me because she is heavily reliant on benefits to live ( she only works 16hrs per week)
I desperately need some advice because the mother still expects me to pay maintenence because according to the law she is the main carer as she receives the benefit!
It seems unfair that i am technically the main carer and because their mother refuses to work and relies on benefits I am unable to become the main carer. If I do not pay money for all the above my daughter goes without!
Do the CSA expect me to still pay maintenence under these circumstances or are there any exceptions to the rule?
I am happy for the mother to claim any related benefits for the children but i thought the point of maintenence was to pay for the looking after of the children which is what I am doing the majority of the time........
On a separate note their mother has made no financial contribution to my son for years ................
PLEASE HELP!!!!!
Hi and welcome to the site,
I'm guessing that your son is 16, was there any official CSA based payment in place for your son? if so then you should be able to claim the back payments from her.
I would have a chat with csa and see what they say regarding it all, I will ask the CMO team to drop by and coment too.
Darren
Many thanks
Due to not wanting to cause solicitor letters ( funded by legal aid) pouring in and because of my wage compared to hers this amounts to an insignificant amount owing from her for my son. The problem is my wage is 30K and the maintenence I owe her is considerably more for my daughter.
I have tried CSA and they seemed unsure (believe it or not) stating that usually an agreement is arranged between the parents merely to share costs. Their mother does not agree and therefore insists on me paying for my daughter despite the circumstances.
I have always paid according to the maintenence calculator but am dreading in a few years when my son wants to go to uni, his mum won't contribute and he will be deemed to old for any contribution on top of my rates for my daughter then soaring.......... it seems the only thing that will work is if I stop paying all the extras for my children and expect her to take them on board but unfortunately she just doesn't pay for them and then the kids suffer....... which I won't allow.
It seems I am stuck in a loophole which seems terribly unfair to me as the whole process is to ensure the main carer receives enough support for the child........... As a father I am the main carer as per the definition yet am paying out money to the other biological parent because she is their mother.
Don't get me wrong, their mother still pays for entertainment at her house and clothes when they are there, feeding them etc but it seems that I am the one paying out extra money in maintenence for an unfair reason.
Thanks so much for your response I will await info from the CMO
Kind regards
Hi,
I'm Sarah, the Child Maintenance Options Consultant.
Child maintenance is paid to the parent with main day-to-day care of the child by the non-resident parent. As you've mentioned, the parent who receives Child Benefit for their child will generally be classed as the parent with care. Therefore, when parents have two children and one child lives with each parent, they are both the non-resident parent and the parent with care for one child, and have responsibility to pay child maintenance to the other parent. If a case was made to the Child Support Agency (CSA) by either one of or both parents, this would be dealt with on a case by case basis.
With regard to claiming maintenance for your 16 year old son, under child support legislation, regular child maintenance payments must be made until a child is 16 years old, or 19 if they are in full-time education (A-level or equivalent), or for as long as Child Benefit is being paid. For further information and clarification on this you may wish to contact the CSA directly. Their website is www.direct.gov.uk/childmaintenance.
Using the CSA isn’t the only way to arrange child maintenance. If you and your children's mother can reach an agreement, you could make a family-based arrangement. This allows parents to decide between themselves how to share the cost of raising their children. For example you could agree on a regular weekly payment, a contribution to household bills, or payment for specific items such as the school trips, uniforms, pocket money, parties and extra curricular lessons that you mentioned.
If you feel that you can reach an agreement with your children's mother, then a family-based arrangement might be the best option for you, in the short-term and the long-term too. Family-based arrangements give you the flexibility to agree between you what counts as child maintenance, and to change your agreement as your children get older or your circumstances change.
For more information about family-based arrangements and access to useful tools and forms online you can visit www.cmoptions.org, or if you'd prefer a confidential chat you could call the Child Maintenance Options team on 0800 988 0988 (free from a landline).
I hope this will help.
Sarah
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