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[Solved] Semen used without consent

 
johndoe
(@johndoe)
New Member Registered

Hi,

I have a rather unpleasant situation to describe so will keep it very brief.

I was with my ex-girlfriend for several years, and we were not having full intercourse for most of that time although we did engage in other activity. In her desperation to have a child, she chose to self-impregnate using my semen through a method I won't share here (to reiterate, we were not having intercourse). She became pregnant and we broke up of course. As you can imagine, this has been an incredibly traumatic experience from the moment I found out she was pregnant through to finding out how it happened. So I have been going through counselling since then and have been using anti-depressants to maintain some normality. She had the child and is now claiming child support through the CMS - she did not attempt to discuss this with me first.

Anybody else in a similar boat? I don't want to share too much on this open forum, in case it is read and any responses used against me, but keen to hear about your stories - feel free to direct message me.

Thanks
John

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Topic starter Posted : 20/01/2020 7:48 pm
Ferfer
(@Ferfer)
Reputable Member Registered

I have no idea what to suggest here? You will be classed as the kids father, and I have no idea how you can prove you did not have sex with her either and she did this herself, I am still trying to think how on earth she managed it? I imagine she will still be able to claim child maintenance from you too.

Sorry, I am at a loss as to who to direct you to to discuss this.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21/01/2020 1:25 pm
MotherofaFather
(@motherofafather)
Honorable Member Registered

Hello johndoe,

What you write sounds the height of deception on her part.
You must feel utterly betrayed.

I can imagine a few ways how this could have been achieved but I believe you will need proof.

Do your ground work first to truly establish your situation as being the father. For brevity I shall use bullet points:-

* seek confirmation that the child is yours and use a laboratory for testing that is recognized by the courts,

* go to a consultant obstetrician for a consultation or some such expert in conceiving and tell him / her exactly what you and she were doing and if this could result in a pregnancy.
I personally would ask for a private consultation where you pay.
Don't be embarrassed, they have heard it all before.

* if you have any texts, recordings, emails ect. of her admitting to self impregnation without your permission save them as they could be used as evidence further "down the line,"

* if she has opened a case with the C.M.S. I would pay what they deem you should pay for the child.
Do not hand over money to her, make sure you have evidence of payment such as bank statements which stipulate Child Maintenance Payments to her solely.
If you delay / miss paying on time what the C.M.S. calculate, they will demand you pay the arrears which could amount to a sizeable figure if you do not pay.
If you are not the father you should be reimbursed when proof has been established.
Probably for information purposes only, you could tell them paternity is questionable, they may even direct you to a recognized laboratory for testing.

The first thing is to establish you are the father.
Secondly as mentioned, seek clarification from a medical consultant of the method/s she used for self impregnation and the percentage of the success rate.
What results come from the above two mentioned things will then give you the opportunity to choose which road you wish to pursue.

My strong opinion would be to consult a solicitor once you know whether you are the father or not.

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Posted : 21/01/2020 7:30 pm
johndoe
(@johndoe)
New Member Registered

Thanks both. I have all the evidence needed to prove how this was done so I will absolutely be contesting. Several potential civil / criminal claims against the mother but I want to avoid that. I really don’t want to draw anything out. I want to move on with my life.

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Topic starter Posted : 23/01/2020 12:24 pm
johndoe
(@johndoe)
New Member Registered

Just resurrecting this thread to provide a brief update.

DNA test reveals that I am the biological parent. CMS uninterested in the way in which conception occurred (i.e. self-insemination by the mother without my knowledge or consent). So I’ve had to make child maintenance payments for a number of months now.

This has absolutely destroyed me. The sustained deception, the betrayal, the trauma, the financial hit and the sheer injustice. This has caused me depression, anxiety, insomnia and impotence (and of course trust issues and relationship difficulties). And the position the CMS has taken throughout has been shocking. The whole situation feels like a heavy weight around my shoulders every day and my future looks really bleak and hopeless.

If anybody has been through anything similar or has any ideas whom I could turn to for support I’d be grateful to hear from you.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 28/11/2020 12:54 pm
chubbybrown
(@chubbybrown)
New Member Registered

You might as well shagged her unless she was a right minger

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Posted : 28/11/2020 8:47 pm
Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

Hi

I've read about a similar case in the press many years ago (I cannot find the link), however unless you progress via the legal route (you may need specialist legal advice from a fertility solicitor, yes they exist!!) then there is very little you can do. You cannot blame CMS for their approach as they cannot just take your word for it, it needs to have been determined via the legal route and then they can make a judgement on what to do.

Good Luck.

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Posted : 28/11/2020 9:53 pm
MotherofaFather
(@motherofafather)
Honorable Member Registered

Hello johndoe,

I really do feel for you and how the deception of this woman has made you feel.

I think you should concentrate on yourself and consider getting help from both your G.P. and a qualified, registered psychologist to talk through the issues you have, how you view them and how they are making you feel. If you can afford to I would pay privately to see the psychologist.

Your future isn't "bleak and hopeless", you feel it is at present but you can work through this and you will.

People on here will support you and I am very much an advocate for the Samaritans who are available 24/7 to talk to if at times you feel really overwhelmed.

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Posted : 29/11/2020 1:57 am
johndoe
(@johndoe)
New Member Registered

Resurrecting this thread again to provide an update.

As you'll have seen from my previous comments, I ultimately was deemed liable and payments have continued to date. The police had started an investigation (for sexual assault, but also considered theft and other offences) but recently suspended the investigation following guidance from the CPS. I am still in touch with the police and the CPS to discuss a way forward with criminal prosecution.

I have started a civil claim against my ex-partner (with various causes of action). Legal costs are mounting and my ex-partner has instructed a particularly aggressive and obstructive (and seemingly ill-equipped) solicitor to represent her and so it looks like this will be a long and tortuous process on both sides, with only her lawyer profiting from all of this in the short/medium term. Ultimately of course, I hope that some form of justice will prevail, either through criminal prosecution or financial restitution, or both.

My mental health continues to suffer, but some of the helplines have indeed helped, and I have obtained good counselling and therapy.

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Topic starter Posted : 24/04/2022 10:00 am
Champagne
(@champagne)
Reputable Member

Thanks for the update and I can understand how draining it must be for you.  Try to keep going with the counselling and do take good care of yourself 

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Posted : 24/04/2022 2:40 pm
World Traveller
(@world-traveller)
Eminent Member Registered

Similar happened to me 16 years ago.  GF claimed that she had DNA proof I was father taken from a hair she pulled whilst I was asleep.  Apparently DNA can be obtained from the bulb root of a hair.  However, she refused to have another test done. 

 

Even now she claims I am the father.  However, I see no resemblance when I look at photos.  Her excuse for not having a test after all these years is it will make it difficult for me to explain to the child where I have been for the last 16 years.  Yeah right!

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Posted : 26/04/2022 3:26 pm
Brooky70
(@brooky70)
New Member Registered

I was 'tricked' 26 years ago (VERY long story to list all events then and since).

I would urge you, as someone (mostly) out the other side, to drop the court action.  Even if you win (not guaranteed), it will be a hollow victory - it won't change the past.

You have to move on the best way you can and try your hardest not to dwell.  I know every maintenance payment will feel like a twist of the knife, but you have to make your own life the absolute best you can.  As the Frank Sinatra quote goes, 'The best revenge is massive success'.

If she's the type to screw someone over, it's likely she won't end up making a good life for herself.  I think your biggest problem would be if you wanted access to the child - because a vindictive ex in that situation has the ability to make life very difficult.

Best wishes - and hope you're okay  ;o)

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Posted : 25/05/2022 8:22 am
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