Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi
My Wife and I have separated and there are my things as always when this happens that need to be sorted.
She is angry right now and I feel she is using our children as pawns in this and taking to all the wrong people.
I know I need to pay towards my children's up keep.
What I have offered to her is to help solve two problems at once is for her to buy my share of the joint items in the family home off but it would be instead of me giving her money for set amount of weeks. She does not under stand what I mean but Joint items. She thinks as I moved out to save the children being stuck in the middle of us have heated words now everything is hers.
Also she is stopping me seeing my children unless its with another adult present as in her opinion I have a mental state of mind. I have never done anything to harm or suggested any harm to my soon to be ex wife or my children. I am a fully CRB check bus driver.
From my point I think we need an independent person to help work everything out so if fair to both of us and we can both live as parents to our children but not as man and wife
She has got CSA involved and I am trying to work a deal with her so I can give her money but still afford my rent and all see does is tell me to talk to CSA and all they say is any deal needs to be with her and as far as they care without her say so I have to give full amount they say
Please any help will help.
Hi
I would suggest that the first step is to see if your ex will go to mediation - www.nfm.org.uk
The CSA are correct - you can agree to pay her separately by a family based arrangement, but if your ex doesn't agree to what you are offering, then there is nothing to stop her asking the CSA to take the case, in which case you pay what the CSA calculations state.
Hello
Thanks for your post. I'm William the Child Maintenance Options Consultant. It's good to hear that you're willing to co-operate with your ex-partner, you're clearly keeping the welfare of your children in mind, which is a great start.
All parents have a responsibility to provide regular and reliable financial support for their children, even if they no longer live with them. Many parents choose to sort out child maintenance between themselves. This kind of child maintenance is called a family-based or family arrangement. It's simply an agreement between parents about who'll provide what for a child. It can include money and other kinds of support, for example providing school uniforms. However, when parents are unable to agree an amount, they may wish to try and discuss any issues they have. This can be done without involving anyone else or with the help of friends, family, or a professional mediator.
If either parent has a change in circumstances, negotiation plays a big part. If you feel that mediation may help, the following organisations are experts in that area, National Family Mediation: http://www.nfm.org.uk Resolution: http://www.resolution.org.uk
You've mentioned that your wife has contacted the Child Support Agency (CSA) and made an application with them. If the CSA calculate a maintenance figure on your wife's behalf, you'll be obliged to make these payments. However, if you disagree with the maintenance figure they have calculated you'll need to contact them to discuss this further. You can find the right number here: https://www2.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/contact/index.asp
We also have a web application that you may find useful, it offers help and support to separating families. You can find this at, http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation
For more information about Child Maintenance Options and access to useful tools and forms online you can visit www.cmoptions.org, or if you'd prefer a confidential chat you could call the Child Maintenance Options team on 0800 988 0988 (free from a landline).
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.