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Hi, I'm new to the site.
It goes without saying that I WANT to provide for my children. I have 5 of them (yes, I know...) with two partners, both now of the ex variety. Most people will see this as not learning from past mistakes but hey, I'm not here to justify the past. I am where I am and I love my kids dearly, like we all do.
My first 3 children were from my marriage of 14 years. The divorce was expectedly acrimonious but thankfully my ex-Wife and I rose above it to put in place our own agreement (made part of the divorce/child care arrangement by mutual consent) to pay a certain amount each month. I have never missed a payment and even increased the payment without complaint last year. I also pay her for many ad hoc events (uniform, holiday money, hearing aid for my daughter, etc. you Dads know the score). My ex-Wife and I are on good terms and I have never encountered any issue of contacting CSA for payment - we were both keen to keep things in our own court. 5 years on, I now consider her a friend.
Unfortunately, my next relationship bloomed quickly and - cutting a long story short (involving supporting her through cancer, redundancy and a raft of other crises) we were both surprised to find out she was expecting twins shortly after agreeing to go our own separate ways. I take responsibility for my actions so, despite our failing relationship, maintained a house (joint mortgage) and expenses plus at least equal parental responsibilities. For a long while, we were good parents if not particularly good friends. I have paid a significant proportion of the outgoings during our cohabitation, even in recent months following our decision to finally go our separate ways. I will be moving out - we at least agreed that was the best thing to do.
She will stay in the house, but I am keen to remove my financial responsibility as I will shortly have to pay rent of my own. I understand I cannot force this, and in reality, her income will not allow her to remortgage.
My questions:
- I am already paying a sum to my ex-Wife, but not through the CSA - is this considered when calculating support for my recently ex-Partner? Is it a 'variation'? - my guess is this time I will be processed by CSA as the split is going to be difficult and my ex-Partner and I are unlikely to come to a mutual agreement on our own.
- What is the calculation for CSA? 15% of net salary (read this on another forum) then adjusted? Less? More?
- I have a part-paid loan taken out during my time together with my ex-Partner (in my name) - I can prove it was for the benefit of the family (house extension) and not just me - will that affect my calculation?
- I really need to be able to release some of the equity in the house to allow me to move on - is there any way I can do this where my Ex won't be able to afford to remortgage and I can't force her to buy me out in any way? It seems really unfair that I have equity but won't be able to touch it for another 20 years.
Thanks in advance for any support - I have no idea what to do. Sorry for so many questions.
I'll ask CMO to give an opinion on the assessment and what effect the children from the second relationship has on maintenance for the children of your first marriage - the calculation is currently 25% for 3 children and 20% for 2 children and I think the maintenance in the first relationship would be reduced by 20% of the total by virtue of the second, so I reckon it would end up at 20% to each.
I would have a word with the citizens advice bureau regarding the property as we don't have experts on property law on here.
Hi, I'm Sarah, a consultant at Child Maintenance Options.
It's really great to hear that you've managed to maintain a successful family-based arrangement with your ex-wife. It's usually best for everyone when the courts and the CSA don't get involved. Could you at least try to to talk to the mother of your twins about sorting this out yourselves? Child Maintenance Options can help you with this - we have a range of tools and guides available at www.cmoptions.org. Or you could call for a confidential chat on 0800 988 0988.
To answer your questions about the CSA:
The fact that you are paying child maintenance for children through a family-based arrangement will not be taken into account in any calculation made by the CSA. You can get an idea of what your payments would be through the CSA using our child maintenance calculator:
http://www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/calculator.asp
Regarding your loan - under certain circumstances, some types of debt can be taken into account by the CSA. However, as not all types of debt can be considered you would need to ask the CSA to check if your debt meets the criteria.
To find out more about where you stand legally, it might be worth contacting Community Legal Advice. Their helpline number is 0845 345 4345.
The Money Advice Service may also be able to help; visit www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk for more information.
I hope this information helps.
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