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Hi, i need some urgent help and advice. I am the non resident parent of my two children aged 10 and 12. I took my two girls off their mum at the end of September due to her continuing to be in a violent relationship and exposing the children to violent rows. My ex wife has claimed her new husband raped her two years ago, she was hospitalised by him last year and this year they've been having row after row with things being smashed up. I decided enough was enough. After the latest incident she said she would be leaving him. We tried to get her to sign a contract through solicitors saying she could have the children back, if she promised not to continue with the relationship. She promised to do this, but has now told us she is looking to reconcile her relationship. We've then asked her to sign documents agreeing that the children won't be allowed anywhere near her new husband until they have both completed the appropriate counselling courses and we are happy the relationship is on better terms. Again this has been refused and she has said she is now going to court. My issue is she is still getting all CSA money and benefit money whilst I have the children. I have called the CSA and they say to talk to the benefits agency. The benefits agency say I can apply for the benefits, but as I'm not the permanent resident parent I may not get the money. It looks like the case will be going to court in the next few weeks. Should I apply for the benefits now or wait?
Hi
I assume you are going to court for residence. I'm not too clued up on benefits, but I see no reason why you shouldn't be applying immediately, to both get the child benefit and to stop paying maintenance.
With regards to residence, personally I'd forget about getting any form of contract signed, you ex and her man are totally untrustworthy as far as the welfare of your children are concerned, you need the residence order and supervised contract and a prohibited steps order preventing her man from coming anywhere near your children in future, and a legal undertaking to court from your ex to say that she won't take your children near him at any time in the future.
Hi there and welcome 🙂
...actd is absolutely right, your ex and her partner can't be trusted. A Residence Order is the only alternative I feel.... You can apply for an emergency court hearing for a Residence Order and this might be best in the circumstances. If you are using a solicitor and wish to continue being represented then you should speak to them about this. If the forms C100 contact order and the supplementary C1a form about the risk to your children is submitted to court first thing in the morning, an emergency hearing can be requested for the following day.
You would take as much evidence as you can to court to support your claims and could expect to be granted interim residency until reports from all the relevant authorities can be asked for by the judge. CAFCASS would also be involved at that point.
As far as the benefits office is concerned the children are with you and you are applying for Residency so they should process your clain for benefits.
Good luck with everything and do let us know how you get on 🙂
Thanks for your advice.
There's another issue with residency. I live in 1 bed apartment with my partner and we can't afford to move. It's a big stumbling block and there doesn't seem to be any help out there. My girls are living with my parents at the moment. So much stress. No agency is wanting to help me. Really at a loss.
Also, How much does going for a residency order cost? My solicitor has told me 'thousands'
Thanks guys,
...If you could get a bigger place would you be able to move so you could have your girls? I only ask because if you went for Residency the authorities might help with rehousing. Are your parents ok with the arrangement at the moment?
Have the Social Services or Police ever been involved with your ex over all the violence and rape accusations? Its really difficult to get the different agencies to take notice unless there is some kind of recorded history of violence or neglect etc. Have the girls witnessed the violence and rows, this is classed as domestic violence and child abuse and it would be a good idea to speak to Social Services and tell them the girls are at risk.
As the girls are with your parents at the moment, I dont think you would be entitled to the child benefit anyway but perhaps they would.
Have you informed the CSA that the children are no longer resident with the ex?
...If you employ a solicitor it costs thousands but if you self represent, which a lot of Dads do, its £200...a big, big, difference!
Theres lots of information on here about it and there are quite a few members going through the process at the moment. There are a couple of stickys situated at the top of the Legal Eagle section, one is called Contact Order C100 Guide, this is the form you would use to apply for Residency and also theres a Guide to Representing yourself in Court. Have a read through, you'll find lots of useful information there.
If your ex is effectively giving your custody, self representing should be pretty simple, and you can probably get court order sorted between you and your ex (but don't mention maintenance until you have the order) I'd have a word with your local council and housing association to see if there is help available with housing. I would also consider whether you need a solicitor any longer.
I think you may need her to confirm to CB that you are the parent with care now and then they can transfer CB payments to you then you can probably go back to the CSA - not sure if thats any help, its a minefield
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