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Hi.
I have separated from my now Ex. We have a 5 y/o together. I have gone through the CSA to sort out the maintenance (at my ex's request). The problem is that she isn't happy with the amount that they have come back saying that I need to be paying (the actual amount is over £100 a month less than what she felt it should be). As a result of this she is persisting to try and draw me in to agreeing to "extras". Things she believes cant possibly be covered by the CSA payments as "you cant expect me to pay for 100% of the school clothes out of such a small amount each week". The reality is she is pushing very hard.
Our daughter goes to a fee paying private school. despite the fact that I really cant afford it, I am paying half of the tuition fees as I accept that the CSA payments don't cover this cost to any real degree. However, my Ex is demanding I pay half of nearly every other expense that she incurs. This includes the school clothes, child care fees for before and after school (not a nanny), school trips, child care fees for holidays and that's just whats coming up now. I have no doubt there will be others. The simple fact is that I cant afford to pay for half of all these things. If I could, the CSA would have deemed that I needed to pay more than the £44/week that I am paying (I also have my daughter between 2-3 nights a week). I have tried to tell my ex's all of this and that I cant pay her what she wants. The problem is she just doesn't listen or accept what I tell her (to the point she even told me to tighten my belt at one point!).
Does anyone know if there is any documents out there that actually set out more specifically, what the CSA payments are meant to go towards. If I can find something like that, then I may be able to get her off my back and start being a little more reasonable. Ultimately my biggest fear is that she will use my daughter as a lever to get what she wants. She is the type of person who wouldn't think twice at withholding access unless she gets her own way. Does anyone have any advice or information on that as well, as I have to be prepared for to go that way. This is all so stupid when I keep thinking to myself that I look after my daughter on a very regular basis and pay her mother, what has been deemed by a neutral party, to be fair.
Hi Andrew,
Your right you are expected to pay CSA, out side of this only what YOU decide to pay should need to be paid.
If you are able to pay more then it stands to reason the better your relationship with your ex will probably be. This isn't right and I hate the fact that it always ends up that way, and as you said even worse the child gets used as leverage to extract more money.
I don't know of any documants that show what CSA should cover as there are no guidlines as to how it should be spent, the recieving party can spend it however they like (even if that means not one penny gets spent on the child)
GTTS
Hi Andrew.
Thank you for your post. I am William the Child Maintenance Options consultant.
We are a different organisation to the Child Support Agency (CSA), but I will try and give you some information to help you.
The child maintenance you pay is a contribution towards the cost of bringing up your child and this includes not only such items as food, clothing and school trips but also it is a contribution towards the home that your child lives in and the associated costs of running that home.
The CSA would only expect you to pay the amount that has been calculated and any extra you pay is purely voluntary on your part.
For confirmation of this information you can speak to the CSA directly. Their contact details can be found on any letter they have sent you, or this website http://www.gov.uk/child-support-agency provides their contact details.
You also mention that you are concerned that your ex-partner will withhold access to your daughter. Contact and maintenance are not linked in law and your contact with your daughter should not be used as a bargaining tool for negotiating child maintenance. If you have concerns about access to your daughter, you could seek legal advice.
Or, if you think it would help, there are specialist organisations who can offer support and advice on this type of issue. I have provided some details for you below:
Centre for Separated Families provides advice and support to parents and other people experiencing family separation. Their website address is: http://www.separatedfamilies.info.
Resolution has family lawyers focused on constructive resolution of family disputes. Their website details are: Website: http://www.resolution.org.uk.
We also have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful. It aims to make it much easier for separated parents to find the support they need, when and where they need it, and encourages parents to collaborate on a range of issues. The link is: http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.
If you would like to know how Child Maintenance Options could help you and for access to useful tools and forms online you can visit http://www.cmoptions.org, or if you would prefer a confidential chat you could call the Child Maintenance Options team on 0800 988 0988 (free from a landline).
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