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OK, quite plain a simple my ex of two children currently aged 5 and 7 will not let me have 50% custody simply because she tells me the children need a single stable home and the law is on her side because she is the "mum" and If I want 50% custody I will have to take her to court. She is not bothered about court because she has already stated her dad will pay for it all where as I know I have no money and can't afford so I feel there is nothing I can do. When I suggest it it's simply a simple "NO"
Her claims that it is in the interest of the children is utter rubbish I know all she is thinking about is the less I see them the more money she can get out of me. Even at the kids young ages they have already expressed a wish to stay with me 100% as they don't like their mum being drunk and different men round every other week.
I currently have the kids two nights a week (this was a fight to get it up from one) so on those two nights I have to pay for things like a roof over their head, clothes, food, school dinners, childcare between them finishing school and me getting home from work + I pay the mortgage on a house I don't live in so why do I then have to give loads of money to her on the days she has them. She isn't she being forced to give me money on the days I have them!!!!
The whole system is corrupt and thought up being idiots who live on six figure sums and not in the real world. I am being driven into poverty and I find and my EX and the CSA simply couldn't care less as long as my kids have money from me I can be living in the gutter eating out of bins :'( for all they care.
The whole system nees reworking I should be paying for the children's upbrining not my EXs £160 hair cuts!!!! She should submit bills every months and I pay half of that and then maybe a percentage of house rates.
Probably the best thing for me to do is quit my job and go public and shoot myself infront of millions making it quite clear it's the retarded CSA that have driven me to this!!! Then hopefully it will help others in the future to never be in this situation.
Hi There,
You are in a tough place, but you are not alone, many of us face the same issues, I paid mortgage for a long time until I was able to remove myself from it and still paid a fair amount towards the up bringing of my child.
Your right the system isn't really working too well and it does need to be re worked but I can't see that happening anytime soon.
You are able to go to court and you may get somewhere with that, You don;t need lots of money as you can represent yourself and go without a solicitor, many solicitors actually recomend this as the judge will be able to see your emotions rather than a cold solicitor who has no conection with the case other than a pay cheque at the end of it.
Take a look in the legal section at the top there is a guide to representing yourself through court which would be useful to you I think.
If you feel that the route of court is for you first try and get your ex to attend mediation, there is a good chance that from what you have said she won't agree, but by asking and having proof that you have will help you in court.
Good luck and stick around and chat, we aren't just here for advice a big part of what this forum is about is support, many of us have been where you are now and we know where your coming from.
GTTS
Cheers for that, mediation has been suggested provided I cover all the costs 🙁 which I know would be another waste of time as she is being so stubborn it will just be a load of no's or false promises.
Hi you can still apply for legal aid for mediation if you qualify
I know how frustrating all this can get but remember when your children are older they can ask to live with you, and that wouldn't be an option if you were no longer in the world !!
Have you calculated how much you should be paying on the csa website taking into account the two nights you have them, do you have them for holidays, remember the csa are being scrapped next year (yippee)
Emexrulsier,
I am in a similar position in that my ex wouldn’t let me see our children and was demanding pop stars wages as support.
I now have every other weekend Fri - Mon morning and every Wednesday and have applied for sole and joint residency with a goal of sole residency.
The 2 nights that you have your children will reduce the amount of maintenance, as suggested look at the CSA calculator.
Represent yourself....This forum will provide you with advice, guidance and support. It has been a huge help to me thus far although I haven’t represented myself that may be coming soon as my funds are almost spent.
Stick in and stay strong.....not sure if it’s your bag but I posted 2 poems in "building self-esteem", these both give me strength when I am feeling low.
Regards,
Dave
Hello Emexrulsier
Thank you for your post. I am William, the Child Maintenance Options consultant. I understand you have found it difficult trying to make contact arrangements for your children.
Child maintenance and contact are not linked in law. It has been shown that when both parents keep an active role in their children's life, it can have a positive impact on their wellbeing and development. If you have got any questions or to discuss your concerns over contact, you may wish to get in touch with National Family Mediation as they are experts in this area. You can find their contact details at https://www.nfm.org.uk. Alternatively, Centre for Separated Families may be able to support you with your contact issues. You can find details of their service at https://www.separatedfamilies.info.
You suggested you should pay half of the bills instead of paying child maintenance. Child maintenance is a contribution towards the cost of bringing up children and this includes not only such items as food and clothing but also it is a contribution towards the home that your children live in and the associated costs of running that home.
I understand your children stay with you two nights a week and you make additional payments for items such as clothing and school dinners. As you have indicated that your maintenance has been arranged through the Child Support Agency (CSA), you are only legally responsible to pay the amount that they calculate, any extra payments that you pay would be paid at your our own discretion.
The CSA can reduce the amount of child maintenance payable to your ex-partner by 1/7 per night, up to 175 nights a year, to include how often your children stay. In some circumstances, the CSA can also take into account mortgage payments made in respect of the home that is lived in by your ex-partner and your children. You can find further information about this and other factors the CSA consider at http://www.direct.gov.uk/prod_consum_dg/groups/dg_digitalassets/@dg/@en/@benefits/documents/digitalasset/dg_198849.pdf. If you would like to discuss how your maintenance has been worked out, you may wish to contact the CSA directly. Their contact details can be found on any letter they have sent you, or online at https://www.gov.uk/childmaintenance.
To give you an indication of how the CSA works out child maintenance, there is an online calculator on our website at http://www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/calculator.asp.
With regards to you paying a mortgage on a house you do not live in, you may wish to seek legal advice to find out what your rights and responsibilities are. The Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) provides free information and advice on topics such as legal, housing and debt. You can find your local CAB in the phone book or online at https://www.adviceguide.org.uk.
You said you are being driven into poverty. If you are concerned about your financial situation you may wish to visit www.gov.uk which is a Government website that provides information on benefits and work entitlements.
If you are experiencing feelings of distress or despair and you would like some emotional support, the Samaritans can help you with this. They are a confidential emotional support service for anyone in the UK and Ireland and they are available 24 hours a day. You can find their contact details at https://www.samaritans.org.
We have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful, it offers help and support to separated families. You can find this at http://www.cmoptions.org/en/sortingoutseparation/index.asp.
If you would like some information about the other options available for child maintenance or to talk to our team in complete confidence you could give us a ring on 0800 988 0988. We also have some other useful tools on our website to help support separated parents.
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