Hi All
Father of two (daughter 7 and son 1) and until August, had a very committed wife who looked after the kids proudly each day. Around August she's fallen in with a bad bunch (basically the local branch of the Alcoholic Single Mothers Club) and is drinking most of the time. She's leaving all the evenings and weekends to me, this weekend she's hardly been seen - presumably out on the tiles all weekend. I've stopped giving her money as it's fuelling the problem.
As you can imagine this is starting to impact on my kids, especially my 7 year old daughter. I'm the only one working so i'm looking to get childcare in place. Can anyone help advising me what I can do to evict my wife and get her out of the house? Can i get some kind of order to do this? The alcoholism is resulting in some pretty nasty goings on and it's only getting worse, I just can't have this around the kids. Divorce is on the cards but this seems to be a long process and the kids are at risk here.
Thanks for reading and thanks for putting this resource in place - I'm finding sod all support for this from the Government, all based on my wife having to realise she has a problem while the world falls apart for everyone around her. In her own mind she of course is doing just fine!
D
Hi there
I think as you've realised, it's not at all easy to put safeguards in place, and I think you might be on a sticky wicket if you intend to try and evict her from the family home, especially with such a young child.
Were there any signs of alcoholism before August? There would be signs, hidden bottles, empties in the rubbish etc. It sounds to me that rather than alcoholism, this is more of her just wanting to go out and could be a reaction to the arrival of the youngest. Have you tried talking to her about her sudden change of behaviour?
Without knowing the specifics of your housing arrangements, whether you own the property or rent, I would advise that you seek some legal advice. Some solictors offer a free initial consultation, or you can speak to your local CAB.
If things are really bad, you could seek an injunction against her, and possibly an occupation order, but you would need to do that in conjunction with an order to have the children live with you and a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent her from removing them.
If your 7 year old is having difficulties, I would advise speaking to the school about what is happening and ask if some pastoral care can be offered to her, just to give her someone to talk to in confidence.
All the best
Thanks Mojo - really appreciate you taking the time.
She's been a background drinker for quite some time - a bottle of wine a night not being unusual. What is new, however, if the all night drinking - returning between 3 and 5 AM during the week and this weekend she's been absent the entire weekend aside from making a late guest appearance ( quite literally) at our daughter's birthday party yesterday. She's also caused problems for me going to work in the morning by staying out, preventing me from getting to work by 9. In at least one case this was deliberate as she had told me the previous night she was going to '**** up my job', this because I had a work function to attend to and I was back home by 11.
The house is mortgaged. I'm the only contributor to the mortgage, she's never paid a penny. She was in education before we had kids and never really started working - it's not that she's given up a career to care for the children.
I've tried talking to her but her mind is in a really strange place right now, she seems [censored] bent on destruction ( e.g. my job, wanting to go out and spend vast sums of money, she also recently wrote off a car). I've tried encouraging her to see a doctor but she doesn't see the need - in her world everything is fine.
What concerns and frustrates me is how close to the edge she's making the family sail. If I can't get to work it will eventually cause me to lose my job and we need it for the mortgage. Once that's impacted, the family is essentially up the creek with no roof over our heads. I suspect at that point, it's when she'll decide to leave me and probably with the kids, hence my desire to get her out prior to all this and save the kids a whole load (more) trauma.
Thanks for the pointers on the CAB - I think we also have some kind of advice service via work so I may give that a go too - it's probably important that I alert work to there being a potential issue ahead of time in case it gets to rock bottom. In the mean time, I'm keeping a diary and have been for some months so I can talk specifics if necessary.
Thanks again - really appreciate the help and the existence of this forum.
Hi,
Wow I have an alcoholic teacher wife too that I wanted to evict! In a nutshell, you cant unless she is violent or abusive to the child - It doesn't even count that much if she beats you, resulting in a massive lump on your face, black eye and scratches allover your neck.
Waste of time in reality contacting Social Services too - They generally believe someone, say a teacher, or a woman over a concerned father who asks them to signpost him to get some counseling for the children who are upset by their mums drinking.
I would suggest you start at the school, and speak to pastoral service about this and get them to contact social services, but beware. Make sure you have everything documented and dated along with any evidence of her drinking, and in truth neglect of her children but take it from me, once you start there's no going back and you still may out the loser in all this and not get the outcome you want.
In terms of helping her, you cant so don't waste all your energy in trying because it sounds like you have the same fight ahead of you as I have - The best of luck to us both my friend!